I Wanna Get Plastic Surgery – On my Mind!

By Dr Ray Goolens (Special to The Brutal Times), LOS ANGELES – Do people feel insecure about their looks? Yes they do. A typical remedy for this in the USA may be a short trip to the plastic surgeon. My brother Cartlund has performed piles of plastic surgery fixing folks up where God fell short. Heck, in LA they say 90% of kids over 5 have had “work done”.

But what about plastic surgery on your mind?

Just like we saw with the Olympics, what we see in China is what we do. Lots of Chinese folks have had their minds- not their brains mind you – surgically transformed into highly efficient briskets.

Yes, and just as when the Chinese found some free time to host the Games and we penciled it into our busy workaday schedules accordingly, with this mind surgery thing we’re following right along too!!!

Now what’s the deal yo with the risk-benefit ratio? Whaddo I get if I plonk down my $45,000 USD for a trial session to cut away excess mindables?

“Oh it varies,” said Patty Sandie, a 28-year-old technician at Looks Like You, a popular spot for getting the job done. “Be sure to tell your readers lots of bloggers come here,” she went on.

In my own opinion a lot of really insecure people make up the patient pool for this gig. I pitched my ‘pinion to Patty and she shrugged and popped a bubble. She was chewing gum. Lots of plastic surgery techs in LA chew gum.

I guess everybody’s got their reasons. I guess if I like killed a guy and I was feeling guilty about that and if I got some leftover money from that robbery I could put that towards mind surgery to take a load off. I put that towards Patty.

“Yeah…I guess so,” she said. But this was totally insincere and her attitude was so off-putting I filled out one of those job performance cards they got in the can there and needless to say I gave her zero so she gets what comes around for sure.

Anyway another reason to get that surgery could be to get superpowers such as that Canadian mind control guy Kreskin. Kreskin can find stuff you lost after sucking back seven shots of tequila. After you sucked those shots back and lost your stuff that is, although Kreskin has been said to be a fine drinking buddy.

Anyways, those are the reasons I could think of. If you think of some of your own at your desk, why not drop me a line and I’ll check them before I go to bed.

I’m Ray Goolens (I can’t say “Dr” because of those fucking lawyers) but I can still think it. And so can you.

About The Brutal Times

A bit of a toff, really, Admin inhaled the classics early. His ears are ringing and he plans...to answer them.
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One Response to I Wanna Get Plastic Surgery – On my Mind!

  1. admin says:

    Doc we need those receipts from your LA trip- and no photocopies this time.

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