Backpacker Gets Warm Reception in Europe

Special to the Brutal Times, By Terence, ROME – God I hate Italy! It’s so boring and the people are so dumb and rude! The weather is atrocious- it just pisses rain all day long since it isn’t cold enough to snow. But it is cold enough that you have to wear three sweaters underneath your raincoat to keep from freezing to death.

The prices here are unbelievable- it costs 70 Euros (about 200 US dollars) for a sandwich! I haven’t eaten in about three days. And the food available is just terrible- I would kill someone for a good meal at Denny’s. My advice to anyone thinking of coming to Italy: pack a lunch.

The girls are snobby as hell and they have the worst sense of fashion. Apparently lots of them think orange and purple are colors that go well together. Plus none of them can speak English. From what I heard the only second language they know is Latin – snooze.

Music? Forget it. They listen to some kind of waltz krud. Even the young people; although actually a lot of the young people look just like the old people due to the fact that they have to stay inside most of the time to avoid getting pissed on by the endless downpour that consists of what passes for weather here and so miss out on sunshine.

The buses and trains are chronically late and stuffed with rude schoolchildren and deranged retirees. You can’t get a taxi because the drivers are so lazy they turn their lamps off and take impromtu naps at all hours of the day and night.

All drinking establishments clsose at 6pm and women are not allowed to drink unless their father, brothers or grandfather are in the same room, meaning their is zero chance to get any action.

Hotel fees are astronomical – one night costs 79890 Euros (67 million US dollars). A room for two is illegal unless one of the persons is deceased.

Souvenirs are made with edges so sharp the local hospitals are overflowing with tourists who have inadvertently maimed themselves with their purchases.

All pizza is imported from China and is cold by the time it arrives. When I asked for spaghetti instead the waitress kicked me in the shins: apparently ‘spaghetti’ means ‘succubus’ in Italian.

God I can’t wait to get my flight back to Indiana. Only two more days…

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2 Responses to Backpacker Gets Warm Reception in Europe

  1. shiraz mountbatten says:

    erope has no culture! only dounts!

  2. Sammy Davis says:

    God, but what donuts!