By Barry Hussein, NEW YORK CITY – Despite leading a busy life like everybody else and having problems of his own spry UN Secretary-General is not about to let New Years Eve get in the way of giving Israel a big fat spanking for its naughty invasion of Gaza a couple days ago.
“It’s ponderous,” the soft-spoken Ki-moon opined of Israel’s foray into Gaza, in which they took along tanks, bombs, and other commonly-identified instruments of war. “I mean the Israelis and Palestinians are neighbors, and it’s just my opinion mind you, but I don’t think it’s such a nice thing to attack your neighbors, even if they did the first rocket-lobbing.”
Folks in Gaza have been lobbing rockets into Israel which is dumb and bad – lobbing the rockets, not Israel. Also, on page 228 of the Coles Notes Bible, Gawd gives total permission for folks who get lobbed at to “crush the enemy into smithereens.”
“Yes, we know that,” said a surprised Ki-moon when I mentioned the Bibilic quote. “But still, with the economic bubble burst and the sub prime loan we have to pull up our britches and act like we mean business when someone (in this case presumably Israel) does something naughty (presumably invade Gaza when the world who would presumably be motivated to complain about it is busy getting loaded over the holidays).”
What they gonna do?
“We…we have a special co-ordinated plan,” confided Ki-moon as he headed out to Times Square to join in the New Year festivities. “A plan to deal with naughty allies.”
Oh? What kinda plan you got?
“It’s…it’s Operation Pussyfoot,” he went on.
Now details on O.P. are sketchy obviously but this is the general idear: First, an ally to the US or us, gets naughty. Then – “I, or maybe the president of America if he’s not too busy” calls the ally (in this case Israel, remember) on the telephone.
“I may actually call the …ambassador…of Israel on his home mobular telephone,” said Mr Ki-moon, with what looked like, yes, something that vaguely vaguely resembled like mild…annoyance.
Could this be… the dark side of Ban Ki-moon?