By Styles Cradgerock, BERLIN – Perky German president Angela Merkel met today with concerned citizens groups in response to the recent shockwaves sent through Berlin’s markets stemming from the US financial meltdown. Merkel was firm in her resolve to “stay the course” through the rocky weeks and months ahead, even if “it means war with the Allies”.
The Allies consist of Britain, France, the United States, and sometimes Canada, although it has a habit of showing up late and “could get kicked out if it doesn’t get its act in order,” according to US Allied commander Mitt Romney.
Even though lots of folks are poo-pooing the idea of igniting World War III, kids and military model collectors worldwide see it as cause for celebration.
“We see it as a cause for celebration,” said Troy Montcalm, 5. Montcalm, who along with his friends (admittedly mostly boys) enjoy whiling away their after-school hours “blowing things up and re-enacting famous WWII battle scenes,” according to his father, James Montcalm, 27. “Yeah, if no one else, this war’s gonna benefit the toy makers,” the elder Montcalm added, offering a sly grin.
German citizens schooled to dislike war over the last few years expressed some skepticism over Merkel’s war plan, peppering her with zingers like, “How much will it cost?” and “Can’t we see the designs for the uniforms first?”
Clearly, with such opposition to a renewed in your face struggle for global dominance, world head honchos have their work cut out for them convincing average Joes and Janes to pick up arms and slaughter foreigners. An InfoSandwich/MyGoodies poll taken in the United States Sunday showed 5 in 10 (56%) of the four persons polled on the bus were in support of Ms Merkel’s war plan, but that 5 in 10 (58.4%) “would rather watch the war on dvd after,” than participate in it directly.
But Merkel was not to be discouraged so easily.
“These people they interviewed on the bus don’t realize the seriousness of the crisis we are heading into,” she insisted. “All the Allies want war as well, and the Axis is merely echoing what is already out there (here she flapped her hand out in the air), in the, the poopenshantz.”
“‘Poopenshantz’ is a basically untranslatable German term,” said Germanologist Dr Ray Goolens, who has lived in Berlin for decades and has a hot German wife. “But the main thing is that if you could know what it means, you would be so offended that you’d want to start a big big big war.”
Oh my golly.