Obama: “Our Balls Are To The Wall”

obama_inaugurationBy The Serge, WASHINGTON – An estimated two million people braved freezing temps to hear 44th president of the United States Barack Obama be sworn into office in this snow-covered city yesterday. And most of ’em stuck around for a little while after to hear him deliver his first speech as America’s new commander-in-chief.

“These are trying times,” Obama began as onlookers shouted and hollered in agreement. “Our balls are to the wall,” he went on. “But America must not – can ill afford to falter at this pivotal moment in our history,” he reflected. “To the windows – to the walls,” he addressed the rapt audience, ” ’til the sweat runs down our balls – we must strive to make America a better place for you and me”.

The speech drew thunderous applause from those in attendance but caused more than a few hip hop music fans in attendance to scratch their heads.

And balls.

“I know those words,” said Larry Miller, 28, who performs as a hip hop dj in Washington under the name DJ Jimmy Jam-san. “That’s classic Yin Yang Twins,” he added, citing the popular hip hop combo.

“‘Til the sweat runs down my balls’ is the actual Yin Yang Twins lyric,” corrected nearby Kristophe Belle, who was visiting from Paris and also enjoys hip hop music in his free time.

Adults listening in quickly grabbed their iPhones and attempted to email gossip columnist Matt Drudge to break the news of Obama’s possible plagiarism.

“There’s a ten thousand dollar reward!” screamed Gerhardt Platz, 20, as he texted his scoop furiously on his mobular telephone.

Obama, who has a known diverse musical taste is known to have relied on his vice presidential pick, Joe Biden, to help ghostwrite several of his most important speeches. A survey of the crowd on hand for the event produced a common opinion that Biden had inserted the repeated allusions to “balls”, without seeking President Obama’s consent.

Neither Biden nor The Yin Yang Twins were contacted for this article. Only large news organisations like The New York Times can afford to do such a thing, and even they’re cutting back as you know.

Still, it could be true.

“All sorts of stuff happens all the time, even unbeknownst to those to whom it happened to,” says Dr Ray Goolens, who attended the Washington inauguration. “So while to me, I’m here right now in 2009, freezing outside and talking to you, for you you could very well be seeing a great big plate of fries in front of you, not speaking of course, and you could be seeing yourself inside a ski lodge, appraising those fries, with your ladyfriend, in her snowsuit and-” he went on.

Point taken.

About The Brutal Times

A bit of a toff, really, Admin inhaled the classics early. His ears are ringing and he plans...to answer them.
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2 Responses to Obama: “Our Balls Are To The Wall”

  1. billy says:

    ski lodge yeah! big steaming fries!

  2. heifer says:

    yeah, i think our balls are still pretty much to the wall. it goes without saying, the more things change, the more they stay the same.

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