Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor

By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.

But no more.

Tokyo mayor Shintaro Ishihara, officially declared Tokyo’s most popular pick-up area, Roppongi, “a sausagefest” after accompanying a valiant gang of Japanese Guardian Angels on midnight stroll through the seedy neighborhood’s sleaze-filled streets.

“Thankfully, I could not see so much Japanese women at that time,” Ishihara commented, through a loudspeaker mounted atop his bulletproof Mitsubishi Fuso schoolbus, which he also uses as his winter cottage.

Looking around late at night after a few drinks myself, I could not help but notice the mayor was right, as usual.

All I could see as I stumbled onto my face were so many African people. My daughter, name is Sadako, is Obama’s fan but I do not understand it.

I prefer Mr Joe Biden. We are same age.

Anyway, it is so true what Mr Ishihara said. But because The Brutal Times does not believe only my words as in a good Japanese newspaper such as The Yomiuri Shimbun, I was forced against my will to interview some foreigner about it. Please look at it below:

I found one sad gaikokujin (“Gaikokujin” is Japanese for “foreigner” -El Toro) inside the Yoshinoya meat bowl restaurant. I got so surprised at that news because Yoshinoya is a traditional Japanese food. There is no hamburger there so what could he be eating? Anyway I engaged in natural English converstaion with him.

MR OHASHI JOZU: When did you come to Japan?


MR OHASHI JOZU: Why did you come to Japan?

FM: Ah, excuse me, I was eating.

MR OHASHI JOZU: You are from – America?

FM: England – listen…

MR OHASHI JOZU: So you speak …Queen’s English?

FM: Yeah. Can I – just get past you there? I have to ah get out the door here…

MR OHASHI JOZU: How about…Japanese girl?

FM: Oh, fuck off.

Such kind of rudeness happened so many times to me when I encounter American in Japan.

It was clear he agreed with Mr Ishihara because he had not catched any Japanese girl and sat alone in the Yoshinoya. In addition, he became angered so quickly because he could not shoot his love juice.

Because of The Brutal Times I endured to interview one other source for this story. This is much more than CNN or Oprah carry out. Here you can see it below:

This was big group of foreigner mans. Between them, they must have had 20 sausages. They had gathered in front of famous pick-up niteclub name is Gaspanic. They were very drunk, but did not look so happy or having fun. Even club was playing hip hopping music so loudly no one was dancing.

I asked one hip hop rapper about it.

MR OHASHI JOZU: Why did you come to Japan?

HIP HOP RAPPER: S’cuse me?

MR OHASHI JOZU: You came to play sex with Japanese woman?

HHR: Naw, naw man. You know. It’s like, I’m out here with the US military and all.That’s what I’m doing.

MR OHASHI JOZU: But I think maybe why you came to Roppongi which is famous Japanese nightclub district is to play sex with Japanese woman.

HHR: Naw, naw. You talking ’bout those eigolos, that’s what they be doin’.

(“Eigolos” are foreign English teachers who try to sex Japanese women. “Eigo” is Japanese for “English” – El Toro)

MR OHASHI JOZU: Or perhaps you had come to enjoy gay nightclub? Because I cannot see any lady in this surrounding area.

HHR: Hey now, don’t be messin’…

MR OHASHI JOZU: In my case I think you had better go to Shinjuku 2 Chome. This is more traditional Japanese gay area.

Interview with foreigner is so hard work I required many drinks to calm down afterwards.

But unlike such sad and disappointed foreign men in my story, I could have beer by myself in my room. Just me and my one sausage. It is enough, don’t you think?

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
This entry was posted in Japan and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor

  1. Pingback: Young Roppongi Drunk: ‘My Dick is Your Dick’ | the brutal times