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Warm Topic Archives: Japan
White Guy ‘Likes Rap Music’
By DJ Salinger, DES MOINES – Most stories begin with a call in the night. After snacking I’m usually bloated and angry and can just barely summon the will to drag myself into my hammock so it goes without saying that I don’t like to be woken. But this time turned out to be different.
“What now?,” I demanded as I picked up the phone.
My editor at The Brutal Times, El Toro came on the line.
“I know a guy, a white guy,” he said. “He says he likes rap music.”
Posted in Hollywood Pap, Japan
Tagged Des Moines, dj salinger, donut shoppeThe Gap, heroin, hip hop dnace, Japan, Krispy Kreme, rap music, the brutal times, Thinking Man's Rock, white guy, white people
6 Comments
A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa: Dining Out
By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – As you know, hipsters of all shapes and sizes travel all over the world every year lugging their Canadian flag backpacks to and fro. Some of these so-called “backpackers” wind up on the highly-acidified streets of Shimokitazawa, a little ol’ town in Tokyo, I purchased from an ancient Japanese man a few years ago.
Man Sexually Pleasures Goat for Plush Japanese Job
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Young American business student Jeremy Savage, 28 says he “dreamed of coming to Japan for years”, lured by promises of easy sex with loose Japanese women, carte blanche (“blank card” in Canadian English) free alcohol, [...]
Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Japan, Schadenfreude
Tagged british english, goats, Japan, job interviews, jobs, jobs in japan, mistakes, ohashi jozu, pitfalls, sexual longing, sexual pleasure, sony, the brutal times, tokyo, work in japan
10 Comments
Japan Develops Supersonic 1-Ply Toilet Paper
By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO- The tiny island nation of Japan has triumphed over nature and China in its announcement Tuesday evening that fastfood and toy giant BB FunCorp has developed the world`s first supersonic 1-ply toliet tissue. Japan, which occupies [...]
2 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers Are Cheaper Than 1 Double Cheeseburger
By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO- As world food prices soar and balloon out of control prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies is reporting that on site inspections conclusively indicate that 2 McDonald’s cheeseburgers are cheaper than one double cheeseburger. “We found [...]
Japanese Man Critiques Bukowski
By Yves Dropper, Tokyo, SHIBUYA – Fri. Apr. 18/Tower Records 9th Floor English Books Section 8:42pm – The Brutal Times is standing reading a Charles Bukowski novel. A fucker comes up. “You…liiike it?!?” Big eyes. Big face. Free English. “I [...]
Posted in Conversational Gold
Tagged charles bukowski, Conversational Gold, Japan, teaching english, the brutal times, tokyo, tower records, yves dropper
5 Comments
Double-Barrelled Secret Brutal Parties Hit Tokyo
By Smia Oots TOKYO – The twin sister cities of Shimokitazawa and Higashi-Kitazawa, located in the opulent Setagaya district are heavily-rumored to be the sites of unprecedented late-night bacchanalia this Saturday night, The Brutal Times has learned. Shawna Hailbloom, a [...]
Posted in Japan
Tagged Japan, secret parties, shimokitazawa, snagenjaya, the brutal times heebeejeebee, tokyo
1 Comment
Top Record Stores Offer ‘Five Finger Discount’ Fridays
By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – In a preemptive shot across the bow of music piracy kingpins and iPod inventors Bill and Melinda Gates, top record stores HMV and Tower Records announced they plan to appeal to the dark side of [...]