Japan Develops Supersonic 1-Ply Toilet Paper

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO- The tiny island nation of Japan has triumphed over nature and China in its announcement Tuesday evening that fastfood and toy giant BB FunCorp has developed the world`s first supersonic 1-ply toliet tissue.

Japan, which occupies one third of Asia, and played host to the 2002 Japan World Cup soccer tourney, has a knack for coming up with innovative life-savers like the 1-ply, says long-time foreign resident Ray Goolens, 46, who is married to a Japanese woman and studies Japanese in Starbucks coffee restaurants.

“Oh yeah, they`ve got a real knack for coming up with innovative life-savers like the 1-ply,” said Goolens.

1-ply toilet paper is popular in Asia, and very very very popular in Japan. The problem with 1-ply, however, say wipers, is that the 1-ply tends to rip and seep during the application process.

“The problem with the 1-ply is that it tends to rip and seep,” said Jessica Bearn, a 22-year-old philosophy student who is visiting Tokyo “just to take a break” from her attendance of the Beijing Olympic Games.

China, it is well-known, has been rushing production of its own ply.

“China does not care, about the Japanese invention,” Peoples’ Republic spokesperson John Denning says. “China has its own ply, which it will unveil when it is ready,” he added.

Despite such poo-pooing by the Chinese, many Tokyoites were chipper when quizzed of their reactions to the new Japanese ply.

“It is fantastic,” said Taro Sakaguchi, 54. “I will ensure my wife lines up at the department store to purchase it.”

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
This entry was posted in Featured Brutality, Japan and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Japan Develops Supersonic 1-Ply Toilet Paper

  1. minako says:

    im minako, 22, japans garl! i dont like china.

  2. billy says:

    i like chinese food. its so goood. like that fortune cookie.oh yah! gott get me some o that.

Don't Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *