Japan Buys Popular US Holidays as Dollar Dips

By Ohashi Jozu, with Business Jesus, TOKYO – The world’s second largest economy may well be entering an exciting recession, as mentioned by CNN and other news junkies, but perhaps due to the simultaneous rise in the value of the yen the message on the floor of the Nikkei stock exchange is still buy buy buy!

One of the latest gadgets Japanese investors are going gaga over is, you guessed it- US holidays.

The holidays, which have always been popular back home in the USA, are just now beginning to catch on in a busy workaday Nippon. And now that the United States is essentially bankrupt Japanese firms are helping out by swooping in to snap up sluggish holidays like Christmas and Halloween.

“All Japanese love American Christmas,” said stockholder Taro Otawara, 58. He bought 700 yen worth of stock in the holiday (about $470 US dollars at time of writing). “My kids gonna get so pleased,” he added before putting a large arm around me.

Following the sale of Christmas early Monday, Halloween attracted investors from Tokyo, Osaka, and rural Moka Town, about 600 clicks north of civilization. Investors in this tiny wooded enclave huddled for warmth, occasionally petting each other’s curly nether regions as they watched flickering black and white television sets recount the result of the town’s successful purchase of the once US-owned holiday.

“We don’t have Halloween in Japan,” explained Jiro Asahara, 54, of Moka Town. “But now we got it so we can’t have it in Japan,” he went on.

“Mr Asahara may have been trying to ‘save face’ you see, with that somewhat closed remark,” suggested Japanologist Ray Goolens, who has lived in Japan for two years and has a Japanese girlfriend. “The Japanese…as a people, have forms of communicating which few Westerns who haven’t slept with one copiously can come to terms with much less understand,” he went on.

But how are folks on Main Street USA reacting? Don’t they care their whole society is falling apart and soon to be infested with Mad Max-style roving looting motorcycle gangs as things completely implode and it’s mano on mano?

“I think, yes some Americans do care,” said Corey Klerb, 25, a barrista at Seattle’s Best Coffee. “But others are going on vacation and hoping it’ll all blow over while they’re gone,” he qualified, and gestured.

How long can such a thing go on? Will every US holiday get sold on the chopping block? Will US citizens who celebrate Christmas and Halloween be shot or forced to pay royalties to new owners BB FunCorp (Christmas) or Moka Town (Halloween)?

Many a sleepless night awaits those of us who dare to ask such probing questions.

About The Brutal Times

A bit of a toff, really, Admin inhaled the classics early. His ears are ringing and he plans...to answer them.
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3 Responses to Japan Buys Popular US Holidays as Dollar Dips

  1. Dastreen Baloon says:

    Excuse me mr jozu, but I don’t think it’s possible to actually buy a holiday. I get the feeling that this story is just more crap you made up.

  2. admin says:

    mr. ohashi jozu is a seasoned unquestionable. plus, your name is about as phoney as a stack o’ baloney, homey.

  3. RYErnest says:

    Nice post u have here :D Added to my RSS reader

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