I Can’t Wait for Winter!

By Dessy Osmonde, Special to The Brutal Times, INDIANA – I can’t wait for winter! Why? Well I can’t wait to freeze my fucking ass off next to the fire. Even with a good solid pair of winter boots pulled right up to my neck nothing stops the cold, right? Viva la Mother Nature! Yes, you can spend spend spend but nothing stops that cold from seeping in and gripping your balls and bones in an icy freezing cold handshake! Yeah, winter’s comin’ and the only way to warm up for it is to open the icebox and sleep with your feet stuck inside it night after night after night.

Still it won’t make a difference.

President Obama promised to stave off winter this year but he failed.

After the winter is over holy cow do you look like shit. It’s those six months of fun aged you 17 years.

Your skin falls off and the blood freezes in your veins.

Mother Nature laughs and laughs. She’s like a character in a Black Sabbath song. Or a Jonas Brothers song, if that’s what floats your boat.

Some people like to break up their spiritually-crushing winter experience with Christmas, and the food sure is delicious.

Still, is Christmas all that good?

In Indiana we don’t even get snow, so we can’t engage in the so-called winter sports. And sleeping is forbidden. A lot of schools and institutes enforce strict study during the winter. If you try and slack off people really look down on you and you can wind up celibate.

During winter.

But me I love winter. I love soup too. When was the last time you had a good soup of your own cultural leaning? Christ I think I had one about 16 years ago. Maybe I’ll make one now.

Or will I?

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