Canada May Decriminalize Carjacking

By Ohashi Jozu, Canada, BELLEVILLE, ONTARIO – I wept when they sentenced me to board the plane to the arctic country of Canada. This frozen wasteland was made most famous as the site of the fantastic movie Narnia. In that movie there is a tiger which can pull kids along on a sleigh and it looks so thrilling. But Canada is not such a place – its’ cold dehumanizing tundra drives most of the residents here mad within one year. All of this is well-known within Japan, which is why we go to America instead.

But of course as Japan’s economy was dragged down by lazy workers in the US we now must accept any reporting assignment, even those in Canada.

So Canada may decriminalize carjacking.

Carjacking, is unavailable in Japan because of the pureness and kind spirit of Japanese is popular in Canada it said in my Japanese Canada guidebook. I had known this about the USA from watching American movies on digital video digitals in my own home. In Japan dvds are very popular among Japanese. I have watched over eleven billion dvds.

Anyway, I got so surprised when I saw that Canada’s people had cars.

Firstly, I had expected that people would not leave their homes. Then, I didn’t think much about it because my wife was preparing to go to the supermarket and she was asking for my requests before leaving.

Anyway, Canadian people mostly make cars for American people and now American people don’t want cars or something like that. Due to this fact most Canadian people are unemployed. Because of this fact they cannot afford to buy cars and so on.

The solution to this problem has been for Canadian people to burgle cars. Most people stole cars from their neighbor as most people don’t like their neighbor.

But now Canada’s prime minister Maple Leaf Captain Cock Blocker says that he is gonna decriminalize carjacking – the matter about which I have spoken already.

I think it is a good idea because Canada has much people already who stay in the prison for drugs, violence and so on. And it is true that no one can change persons who are bad.

My biggest experience in Canada’s airport was that I could not find so many real Canadians. I could see many Chinese just like in Tokyo. Also I remembered that my wife asked me to purchase Canada’s ice wine but I could not find it so easily.

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
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3 Responses to Canada May Decriminalize Carjacking

  1. Samantha says:

    have you even been to Canada???!!!???

    “its’ cold dehumanizing tundra drives most of the residents here mad within one year. All of this is well-known within Japan, which is why we go to America instead.”

    You must be barking mad! I live in Belleville, Ontario. Its beautifully green right now!! Flowers are in bloom and yes … we do drive cars … just like everyone else!

    Be careful what you say about Canadians .. especially when you obviously don’t know what the hell you are talking about … it may get you fired one day .. or beat up! Canada banning carjacking .. ARE YOU MAD!!

  2. billy says:

    That story speaks to me without using profanity. Thank you ,Ohashi san.

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