Japanese Man Uses Hairdryer To Dry His Balls

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By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Recently more and more I work to rid my body of flabs and to become macho for the summertime. Day after day night after day I slide myself to the pricey gym where I don tights and perch upon a stationary bicyclette. The sweat gushes from every pore squirting on everything. After ‘cising I got to get my shower on. After that one is left the one remaining task before ejecting onto a Shibuya street literally littered with rats: to dry one’s body so clearly.

But.

Despite heavy warnage through sky-high signs, a Japanese man used said hairdryer to dry his balls.

Signs stated and I quote: “Do NOT dry your balls with the hairdryer”.

How could one disobey?

I thought at first he must be American but his Asian body, face and so on called my question.

I complained.

“We will of course do everything in our power to stop him drying his balls again with the hairdryer,” apologized Mr. Matsuzawa Ken, 37, the director of Tipness Fitness Club when I met him outside his home late at night, and again each day as he rose and readied himself to face the day. “I have told you before, are you…gifted?” he attempted, dialling the police again.

But the man kept drying his balls.

Now I and others have  filmed and sketched the man and a few others, drying their balls.

Using a blowdryer after washing is like Russian roulette (no offense Russians out there!).

Hairs from the sac clog the vents of driers and cause them to explode.

“It’s a ticking time bomb,” said hip-hop dance student Ray Goolens, 49. “I bring my own (hairdryer) now,” he went on. “All the dryers are clogged with pubes,” he kept talking.

Finally I had enough and confronted one man blowdrying his balls, Mr Ito Junichiro.

“What the hell you thinking?” I asked to him. “I don’t want your balls in my hair,” I exclaimed, snapping my wet towel at his bare buttocks.

After being ejected from Tipness Fitness Club I made my way to a local Internet cafe. It was there I could shower and while away hours as if life were just a dream.

Or. Could.I?!?

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
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One Response to Japanese Man Uses Hairdryer To Dry His Balls

  1. digby salts says:

    hey! i found this while searching to check to see if it was OK to dry my balls with my new hairdryer. Boy, was I surprised to find, a) after reading your story, that it was not OK, and b) that I ignored your advice and did it anyway! OUCH.

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