Warm Topic Archives: tokyo

Friday the 13th: the Book Was Better

By Shane Butter, TOKYO – Oh god, how I was so looking forward to the new Friday the 13th movie. I read the book last summer during reading week as a break from grading my philosophy grad student papers, and when I heard they were gonna make a movie outta the thing I pooped my pants!

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U2 = SoftBank: New CD Promotes Japanese Cell Phones

www.thebrutaltimes.com, By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – The new U2 album has debuted in Japan with some copies featuring a sticker on the front jacket of a grey equal sign logo (=) dead center.

And?

Ubiquitous Japanese cell phone giant SoftBank uses the exact same logo as their logo.

Posted in Japan, Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Roppongi is a ‘Sausagefest’ Declares Tokyo Mayor

By Ohashi Jozu, Roppongi, TOKYO – As you know many foreigners had come to Tokyo. The purpose of this travel is well-known – it is to sex Japanese female. Every year so many foreign man came to Tokyo with all-night backpack seeking to enjoy such activity.

But no more.

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Interview Schminterbiew

By Ghazala Khan (Special to The Brutal Times) TOKYO –

The following interview was conducted by Ghazala Khan of The Pakistani Spectator. It recalls a friendlier, more innocent time when staff members of The Brutal Times could casually gather around the fried chicken dispensor in the BT offices at Shimokitazawa Hills. A time when birds chirped, but not too loudly. Before the layoffs and the name-calling. Two weeks ago.

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Poll: Cool People ‘Don’t Feel Cool Enough’

Forget the global financial crisis. A new shocking wave of global concern is shock-rocking shoppers and commuters and threatening to add more lumps to everybody’s gravy, even those who chose not to order it. The cause for concern? Prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies announced yesterday at Denny’s that according to in-depth research most cool people “don’t feel cool enough”.

Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality, Schadenfreude | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Japan Buys Popular US Holidays as Dollar Dips

By Ohashi Jozu, with Business Jesus, TOKYO – The world’s second largest economy may well be entering an exciting recession, as mentioned by CNN and other news junkies, but perhaps due to the simultaneous rise in the value of the yen the message on the floor of the Nikkei stock exchange is still buy buy buy!

Posted in Japan, Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa: Dining Out

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – As you know, hipsters of all shapes and sizes travel all over the world every year lugging their Canadian flag backpacks to and fro. Some of these so-called “backpackers” wind up on the highly-acidified streets of Shimokitazawa, a little ol’ town in Tokyo, I purchased from an ancient Japanese man a few years ago.

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Man Sexually Pleasures Goat for Plush Japanese Job

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Young American business student Jeremy Savage, 28 says he “dreamed of coming to Japan for years”, lured by promises of easy sex with loose Japanese women, carte blanche (“blank card” in Canadian English) free alcohol, […]

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Japan, Schadenfreude | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Japan Develops Supersonic 1-Ply Toilet Paper

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO- The tiny island nation of Japan has triumphed over nature and China in its announcement Tuesday evening that fastfood and toy giant BB FunCorp has developed the world`s first supersonic 1-ply toliet tissue. Japan, which occupies […]

Posted in Featured Brutality, Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

2 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers Are Cheaper Than 1 Double Cheeseburger

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO- As world food prices soar and balloon out of control prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies is reporting that on site inspections conclusively indicate that 2 McDonald’s cheeseburgers are cheaper than one double cheeseburger. “We found […]

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