Man Uses Social Networking Tool Facebook to Express Himself, but not Twitter

December 9, 2011 by Daemon Mailer

By Daemon Mailer, SAN FRANCISCO – Laughton Cahootenghastob, 21, a hedge fund manager at Billy’s Bank, never expected to be caught in the epicenter of an Internet shitstorm. But after Cahootenghastob used social networking tool Facebook to express himself last Friday without also taking to Twitter, billions are demanding he be executed.

“Clearly, that guy – doesn’t get that to tease us like that, only giving us part of his perspective makes him the laughingstock of the Internet,” Tweeted tween Jann Hatocasket,12.

Hatocasket posted pictures of herself composing the Tweet on her Facebook wall and texted friends, family and media about the experience for hours afterwords.

“To post something on Facebook and then not accompany that with a Tweet or two, gives your friends and followers blue balls,” U.S. Presidential candidate Mitt Romney tweeted and posted and texted and etced.

Billions agreed everywhere, calling for Cahootenghastob to be crucified.

“I want justice. If I can’t get justice, I want revenge, and if I can’t get that then I just want some entertainment,” ejaculated Sarah Robinison, 26, a part-time office worker at Haldeman’s Karaoke. “I’d like to see him (Cahootenghastob) get death by electric eel,” she went on.

In San Francisco, only 50% of offenders are given death by electric eel.

They let the others back into the community.

But that’s kind of a secret, so don’t tell anyone.

“We as a society decide the seriousness of crimes and their punishments by like, trends and so on,” chimed Judge Roy Mental, 78, when contacted by The Brutal Times. “So, your boy there – whatsisname – Castengoob? They’re gonna grill him over the coals. Now is definitely not the time to be making offense over social networking tools – what with Steve Jobs gone and all.”

Make sense?

About Daemon Mailer

Sweet little Daemon Mailer invented the internet in his garage while he was trying unsuccessfully to invent the first rental video store. Like the rest, Daeme is also making moves to cash in on BT's success and avoid eating peanut butter out of a jar livin' in his car the rest of his life. All during the night as he wiggles to an 'fro, some kinda machine records his thoughts, churning out a pile o crud to be compiled in the forthcoming tome, “I am Spam.”
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3 Responses to Man Uses Social Networking Tool Facebook to Express Himself, but not Twitter

  1. otter says:
    December 10, 2011 at 12:31 am

    billions, huh? why not trilions want him executed? also don’t see any clues where billy’s bank is located…maybe just in your imagination?
    /

  2. bertie racovich says:
    December 10, 2011 at 3:56 am

    yeah, an on top of that – if that guy in the picture’s 21, then I’m a be eating my hat!?!

  3. elton says:
    December 11, 2011 at 11:31 pm

    Dudes – kind of a waste, am I right? I, for one, can’t get enough of the media talkining about socil networking. twitter is waaay bettre that facebook. shout out to russia for using their ipad2s to start that revolutuion, hey.