Delicious Toppings
- Ask Daemon Mailer
- Backpackers
- Bookmobile
- Business Jesus
- Canaduh
- Conversational Gold
- Delicious Toppings
- Disco Island
- Exclusive!
- Featured Brutality
- Genius of the Week
- Go Deeper
- Grande Chef Otto
- Highlighted Brutality
- Hollywood Pap
- Iraq
- Japan
- Latest Brutality
- Ordinary People
- Party Central
- Presidential Daily Brief
- Santa
- Schadenfreude
- Sick Bay
- Special Report
- Stories For Bottoms
- Stories For Tops
- Thinking Man's Rock
Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times
Band that broke up getting back together
By DJ Salinger, LIVERPOOL – Why you getting back together? “Oh, a lot of things. Mainly the money,” the band’s lead singer said. Why’d you break up anyways? ”Oh, we hated each other. I mean I wanted to strangle [the […]
People who look nice are nice
By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found. ”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?” The one in […]
Posted in Go Deeper, Latest Brutality
Tagged people who look nice are nice, the brutal times, the serge
Leave a comment
Man appeared in 4 LinkedIn searches this week
By Daemon Mailer, FOGGY BOTTOM – A man appeared in four LinkedIn searches this week according to the San Francisco-based employment company.
“I got an email from them saying I appeared in four searches this week,” the man, Bobb Dockton, 22, said.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged daemon mailer, LinkedIn, Man appeared in 4 LinkedIn searches, the brutal times
Leave a comment
Trump wrote anonymous NYT op-ed
By The Brutal Times, NEW YORK – As White House officials including Vice President Mike Pence raced to deny they authored an anonymous op-ed published Wednesday in The New York Times, whose writer claims to be part of a “resistance” inside U.S. President Donald Trump’s inner circle in the administration, The Brutal Times has learned the true identity of the official behind the piece.
Is Mike Pompeo Starting to Look Like Kim Jong Un?
By Billy, Belmopan, BELIZE – Hey, is it just me or is Mike Pompeo starting to look a lot like Kim Jong Un? “Who?” Mike Pompeo. “Mike who?” The CIA director-soon-to-be-U.S. secretary of state guy. “Huh.” So, does he look […]
Can James Cameron’s Emoticon Save the Silver Screen?
By Yves Dropper, HOLLYWOOD- Hollywood, land of long boulevards, sweeping palm trees and ocean views. Keanu Reeves was born here. Underneath one’s feet, the handprints, and yes, even feetprints of a million actors and…oh, forget it. Word here is that […]
In Spacewalk Astronauts Repair Finnish Space Station
By Helder Goff, Special to the Brutal Times, SPACE – Space, the final frontier. No one was supposed to go there, but they did. Probably that’s why, increasingly, God has been busting up their space ships.
“Actually, we don’t know if it’s God that’s been doing it, or some other kids or something,” claimed Gus VanderBilt, 11, designer of Finland’s famed Zolftschatz, which is Ikean for “Zolftschatz.”
Should Scotland Become Important?
By Styles Cradgerock, SCOTLAND – Scotland. Home of haggis, chips, boat trips on the Seine. The land of Mel Gibson and Oliver Twist. Home of the twist. Birthplace of sherlock Holmes. Home of former heavyweight champion Larry Holmes. Where ice cream is free and driving is only permitted for children.
Still, few have ever heard of it.
People With the Same Name are the Same
By Smia Oots, SOUTH BRONX – If you’ve been thinking most people named Neil are hard to get along with you’re not alone says a recently released document from Internet super snooper Edward Snowden, 36.
“People – persons – named Neil are notorious dicks.”
Aging Hypocrites Want a Piece of the Pie
By Daemon Mailer, VERMONT – Angry young people massed themselves into howling packs and began pogoing up and down in riotous response in reaction to the release of a landmark tweet tweeted this morning by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies.
The tweet, which was promptly deleted before it could incite further unrest, apparently asserted old people are jonesing for more than their share of the proverbial planetary pie.