Man appeared in 4 LinkedIn searches this week

By Daemon Mailer, FOGGY BOTTOM – A man appeared in four LinkedIn searches this week according to the San Francisco-based employment company.

“I got an email from them saying I appeared in four searches this week,” the man, Bobb Dockton, 22, said.

No one has ever appeared in over 3 LinkedIn searches in one week.

“Yeah, no, it surprised me, I can tell you that.”

Just surprised?

“Well, in terms of was I-was I not expecting that, I can tell you I actually wasn’t.”

Has anyone from the company contacted you about, you know, that you’ve broken the record for all-time LinkedIn searches?

“Ah- I don’t know, really. I mean to tell you the truth I haven’t been checking my email recently.”

“What’s – are you all right?”

I just find it … surprising myself that you haven’t checked in with either your email or your actual LinkedIn account to keep track of any updates as to where this is going.

“Well, you looked like your face just broke or something. I thought maybe you were having a fit.”

Have you told anyone else about your achievement? What’s the general reaction been?

“Nah, I mean, really I don’t know if anyone around me would particularly care. I mean, sure, I was happy when I saw the message saying I’d been in four searches but no employers have contacted me yet.”

Oh, but surely they will.

What kind of work you looking for?

“Well … to be honest I haven’t really thought about it.”

You – well, what kind of positions are you interested in?

Well, but surely-

“I dunno, like maybe something where I can stay at home?”

Oh, you mean like a consulting position?

Or- wait, do you mean more like telework?

“I just wanna sort of you know – stay home.”


Have you … What exactly have you posted on your LinkedIn page?

“Well, I dunno. The usual I guess. My name, you know?”



Listen, are you actively, uh, actively sort of searching for work now?

“Yeah, yeah, I guess.”

You guess?


But you don’t know what kind of work you want to do?



I fail to see how you could have appeared in four LinkedIn searches in one week. I fail to see how that’s even remotely possible.

“Yeah, but I got the email here to prove it.”

But no one’s ever, I mean people such as astronauts – with experience as astronauts, looking for other astronaut work-related employment – those are the types of people using services like LinkedIn to find a better position and sort of move up and move on in life.

And others as well, am I right? Bankers, tailors, sidewalk chalk-artists, the works. But you- I mean you’re not even remotely even looking are you?

“I’m looking, you know, to be sure.”

The chances you appeared in four searches appears far less than likely.

“Yeah, but I did.”

I don’t think so. U.S. Trade Secretary Steven Mnuchin appeared in 1 search in eight months. Paul McCartney appeared in 1 search between the time LinkedIn started in 2008 and today. You see where I’m going.

“Yeah but I have the email.”

Lemme see it.

“Just a sec.”

“Oh, I must’ve deleted it.”


About Daemon Mailer

Sweet little Daemon Mailer invented the internet in his garage while he was trying unsuccessfully to invent the first rental video store. Like the rest, Daeme is also making moves to cash in on BT's success and avoid eating peanut butter out of a jar livin' in his car the rest of his life. All during the night as he wiggles to an 'fro, some kinda machine records his thoughts, churning out a pile o crud to be compiled in the forthcoming tome, “I am Spam.”
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