Should Scotland Become Important?

By Styles Cradgerock, SCOTLAND – Scotland. Home of haggis, chips, boat trips on the Seine. The land of Mel Gibson and Oliver Twist. Home of the twist. Birthplace of Sherlock Holmes. Home of former heavyweight champion Larry Holmes. Where ice cream is free and driving is only permitted for children.

Still, few have ever heard of it.

“Never heard of it, mate,” croaked town crier Fotz Jackbee, 20.
Um, it’s where you’re living.
“Wot?”
It’s where you’re – you live in Scotland.
“Dunno about that, mate.”
OK, I see where you’re going. But if you – if this was Scotland, should it become important?
“I don’t quite get yer meaning.”
A lot of people – young good-looking people who use Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and don’t care
about their privacy – they’re constantly wondering…should Scotland become important.
“Are they, then?”
Yes!!!
“Cor.”
What?
“Yer not from around here are ye, mate?”
Well, I-
“I ave to say ah don’t like the cut’ve yer jib.”
What?
“Ah’ll not warn ye again.”
Listen-ow!
“Gerrof with ye then.”
Ow!
“Ye see?”
Oh!
“How’s that fer good measure?”
Understand?

About Styles Cradgerock

Closely following the rules of Pythagorus - to abstain from beans, not to pick up what was fallen, not to eat the heart, and refusing to look in a mirror after midnite, Cradgerock gets all up in the grills of all the world's leaders, bringing more than just his reputation as the king of folksy garbage to the table...bringing...er...Mr. Cradgerock also wrote the bestselling eBook, My Mind is a Battlefield, 2010, which will be made into a t-shirt as sooner than you can say Duran Duran.
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5 Responses to Should Scotland Become Important?

  1. hazel pitt says:

    the article needs more context. sounds on the street, what the air smelt like. hemingway would have wrote it that way. why can’t you?

  2. pepperonchino says:

    I don’t know. i give the writer credit for speaking up. When most people talk i can hardly heare them.

  3. lenore vu says:

    @peperoncino, yeah, well you should really try harder. i think if you actually listened more closely youd see the writer – ms oots – is full of bs.

  4. otter says:

    Thank you. I’ve been trying to tell folks for years mel gibson is from Scotland. From scotland, born there, lives there, dines there.

  5. elton says:

    i think the fact the article undermines itself well. scotland, yes, but then again, no.

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