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Presidential Daily Brief

The same one the President reads before breakfast? Come on. Still. Styles Cradgerock and Barry Hussein report.

11 Year-old: “Obama plus Biden Spells Bin Laden”

As Barrack Obama’s throngs of gyrating bikini-clad supporters are just coming to terms with his formal renunciation of his decision Thursday to select his wife of eighteen years Michelle Obama as vice-presidential running mate, a new shocker is shock-rocking this seaside mountain villa.

Obama Announces Running Mate: It’s Michelle!!

WASHINGTON – We’ve just received word, ahead of the Twitter update the world is waiting for, from a source close to the presidential hopeful that Obama has decided to break with tradition and choose his wife, Michelle Obama, as his official running mate.

‘Jar Jar Binks Hiding in Iran’ – US State Dept Official

By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON – As George W. Bush tidies up the last remaining loose ends of his 8 year stint as U.S. president an official at the state department, speaking anonymously, stated yesterday that soon-to-be-released documents will show Al […]

Hillary Woos Goth Vote

By Styles Cradgerock PENNSYLVANIA – Second place finish candidate for the Democratic presidential nomination Hillary “Hot” Rodham Clinton is far from “rolling over and playing dead,” her campaign spokesperson Haylie Grahame declared in confidence late yesterday evening. Ms Clinton has […]

Iraq Offers To Reduce Brutal Cost Of War

By Barry Hussein, Iraq, BAGHDAD – As costs mount for the pricey Iraq war, bean counters in the US administration have been prodding policymakers to look for cheaper theaters of operation in the upcoming fiscal new year. The non-partisan Congressional […]

Comedians Pray For Obama Loss

By Smia Oots (Special To The Brutal Times) NEW YORK CITY- A gathering of the nation’s star comedians caused stirs in the throngs of shoppers who crowded in to Times Square Monday to heed President George W Bush’s call to […]

State Of The Union Spoiler: Iraq War ‘Ironic’ Bush Says

By the serge, WASHINGTON (The Brutal Times) – In advance copies of tonight’s State of the Union address obtained by The Brutal Times, President George W Bush reveals his 2003 plan to invade Iraq was “ironic,” and insists that he […]

McCain Feels The Heat For Romulan ‘Slur’

By Barry Hussein, DETROIT- Freshly-minted Republican primary front-runner John McCain may have placed his chances of victory this Tuesday in Michigan in jeopardy. McCain, 71, who ran much of his campaign for the presidency in 2000 aboard a bus known […]

Hillary Stuck In Tight 3-Way With Obama And Edwards

By Styles Cradgerock, IOWA – With both Democratic and Republican caucus members braving record-low freezing temps to root for their favored candidates early this morning, hushed voices in the Democratic camp were overheard whispering that former front runner Hillary Clinton […]

John Edwards Will Continue To Tell The Truth

By Styles Craderock, Nevada, HENDERSON – A beaming US Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told gathered members of the media and a smattering of locals Tuesday in Nevada that he “will continue to tell the truth, for the rest of […]