Comedians Pray For Obama Loss

barack-obama-25311.jpgBy Smia Oots (Special To The Brutal Times) NEW YORK CITY- A gathering of the nation’s star comedians caused stirs in the throngs of shoppers who crowded in to Times Square Monday to heed President George W Bush’s call to “shop around the clock” and stimulate the ailing US economy.

“I just saw Jerry Seinfeld!” shrieked Madge Hopkins, 43, a registered nurse from New Jersey, as she exited a jam-packed H&M department store, clutching a pair of discounted swim trunks.

“Chris Rock is in The Gap!” screamed Todd Brower, 26, a barrista from Brooklyn.

All told, at least ten of America’s wittiest funnymen (women apparently sat this one out) hit NYC, and after carrying out the president’s heartfelt consumer request, convened to discuss the candidacy of one presidential hopeful, Barack Obama.

“I hope to God he doesn’t get the nomination,” said Jay Leno, host of the popular Tonight Show. “Please…please let Hillary win,” he pleaded.

Other comedians attending the not-so-discreet pow-wow at the trendy Manhattan eatery Shh…Kebab issued similar pleas, according to 22-year-old blonde-haired philosophy student Gretchen Kane, who is a part-time intern at The Brutal Times. “They don’t want Mr Obama to win,” she said huskily, between bites of oyster sautee and Westminster miso soup brussel sprouts. “They think they can’t make fun of him.”

Mr Obama, (who is running to be the first black president), is now neck and neck with Hillary “Hot” Rodham Clinton, (who is running to be the first woman president), in the exciting race to become the 43rd president of the United States.

“Please…please…let Hillary win,” Conan O’Brien, host of The Late Show with Conan prayed as a hush fell over the sombre gathering of comedy writers and stand-up comedians. “Hillary, we can make fun of,” he said. “”Barack…hmmm.”

As the evening drew to a close our intern, the savvy succulent Ms Kane reported that “hats were passed around for Mrs Clinton’s campaign fund. People reeeally want her to have a big win on Super Tuesday, but they know Barack still has a chance.”

Bill Cosby, David Cross, David Lettermen and Rosie O’Donell all contributed at least twenty US dollars (15 Canadian cents) to support Mrs Clinton in her fight with Obama.

“Sorry country; this is for your own good,” said Mr Cross, who is best known for his work on the HBO series Mr Show. “It’s a sticky wicket for sure – but if Obama wins, guaranteed it’s at least four years of America biting it’s collective tongue,” he added, “and we don’t want that.”

About Smia Oots

Smia Oots is a free-floating wild card racked up on painkillers and an automated sequence of commands who came to Tokyo to pursue her interest in social drinking. Always in search of new moments that can only live on in recollection, Oots asks we put the Enlightenment behind us, stat.
This entry was posted in Presidential Daily Brief and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Comedians Pray For Obama Loss

  1. john kerry says:

    i think if you look back at america’s history you’ll find periods wher some of our finest leaders – men and women – were impossible to make fun of. i dare you – any of you out there on the internet machine – to find me one joke or amusing comment about President Roosevelt, or his wife Sandy, for that matter.

  2. meredith bosco says:

    sandy was fat. and she was commonly known as “Ginormo”. check wikipedia much?

  3. digby salts says:

    most of what is written here doesn’t even reach the level of a seven year-old child.

  4. prince says:

    children should be taught musicology at an early age.

  5. minako says:

    he has a cool fashion sense!