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Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times
500-year-old Book is Really Boring
By El Toro, PITTSBURGH – A 500-year-old book somebody found here the other day is really boring sources are telling the Brutal Times this morning.
“I didn’t even open the book – just looking at it made me drool all over myself,”
Posted in Highlighted Brutality
Tagged 500-year-old book is really boring, el toro, indiana jones' poop chute, inspired to rap on a bus, it made me drool all over myself, julian assange, osama bin laden, philosophy students, pittsburgh, professor rant foaming, radiohead vs kid rock, roy kesey at mcsweeney's, the brutal times
2 Comments
Starbucks Customer Gives Staff Explosive Royal Snuberoo
By Yves Dropper, Toronto, COLLEGE STREET STARBUCKS –
YOUNG FRIENDLY FEMALE STAFF MEMBER (sweeping up trash gathered at the Brutal Times galoshes):
Employees Don’t Have to Wash Their Hands Anymore
By Grande Chef Otto, TORONTO – Employees don’t have to wash their hands anymore, thanks to a tiny blast of laissez-faire attitude stemming from last weeks’ Canadian federal election debate in a garage at CBC.
Whatwhatwhat?!?
3-Year-old Already Knows the F-word and more!
By Yves Dropper, Toronto, COLLEGE STREET STARBUCKS –
Joined in progress – 3 young moms are talking, nodding in agreement.
Toronto Mom Does Not Take any Shit from Her Kids
By Yves Dropper, Toronto, RIVIERA BAKERY – Moms are moms. They have it hard. Livin’ in the city, livin’ it up, not givin’ it up they lay down the Ja Rules for all to see.
Copycat Quakes Condemned
By Smia Oots, NEW YORK CITY – Prestigious U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki Moon has condemned, and is condemning, any country’s attempt to copy or illegally distribute Japan’s massive March 9.0 magnitude earthquake.
Exclusive: Michael Ignatieff Was Born in Guam
By Styles Cradgerock, GUAM – Overshadowing Japan’s recent magnitude 9.0 earthquake and the U.S. Libyan humanitarian intervention, Canaduh’s 2011 federal election racheted up this morning when Billy, my neighbor and confidante, passed on something he had heard from someone.
Michael Ignatieff was born in Guam.
Steve Jobs’ Perfect Presentation Secrets
By Daemon Mailer, SAN FRANCISCO – Just like you and me, Apple head honcho Steve Jobs took a fresh body blow yesterday from the news of increased turmoil in the Middle East. With flotillas and vuvuzelas threatening to end the the world’s diverse peoples before we can ride the wave of globalization, etc., is there any news for hope?
Yes.
MySpace Backing Gaddafi in Social Network War
By Daemon Mailer, Libya, TRIPOLI – Chief executives from classic rock social networking site MySpace met with Libya’s head honcho, Moammar Ghadafi at Denny’s this morning to hash out plans for a “full frontal” assault on rebel bases held by FaceBook and Twitter, the Brutal Times has learned.
Boring
By Smia Oots, TOKYO – Obama.
Arcade Fire.
Twitter.
Your iPhone.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged afghanistan, arcade fire, atom egoyan, avril, Ban Ki-moon, bars, beer, ben folds, bill clinton, boring, china, cocaine, cock blocker, dr.dre, egypt, eminem, england, facebook, green day, h&m, hillary hot rodham clinton, hole, iphone, iran, james cameron, japanese tv celebs, john mccain, kid rock, madonna, michael moore, mohammed el baradei, obama, oliver stone, radiohead, REM, rihanna, smia oots, snoop dogg, social networking, sting, sum 41, the british royal family, the brutal times, the foo fighters, the japanese royal family, the onion, the pixies, the simpsons, tokyo, tony blair, twitter, U2, vice magazine, wilco minus jay, williamsburg
5 Comments