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Warm Topic Archives: ray goolens
By DJ Salinger, LAS VEGAS – Finally, after sweating through the long wait of three months since the last Beatles album was released we can get our rocks off with the just-released 150 album box set which contains all of the lads’ 18,0981 songs (minus the baggage of all those John Lennon and George Harrison tracks which dogged down much of the earlier compilation best boxes).
“Yeah, we finally figured out what was missing with the earlier 569808 best of Beatles releases,” said long-time Beatles producer and confidante George Martin, from his villa in sunny Las Vegas, Sunday, “those fucking Harrison and Lennon songs,”
By Daemon Mailer, NEW YORK CITY – Millions of Americans are apologizing this morning to their long-suffering tv sets as a landmark report issued in the wee hours is confirming what everybody already knew:
Reality is worse than tv.
By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:
Old people live longer.
“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.
By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Despite the general lack of interest, spell-binding stories keep surfacing regarding sensational superstar pop music producer Phil Spector, now imprisoned for murder inside the seaside Sing Sing prison.
Tuesday, a local L.A. lad appeared to have discovered a bottomless tomb under Spector’s mammoth residence/studio.
“I crawled under there looking for my baseball and I think I found a tomb full of unknown session musicians,” the boy, Darryl RJ Dennison, 37, said.
By The Serge, PARIS – This famous French city is being shock-rocked this morning as town criers shriek the news that the world’s most famous recluse has died.
By Smia Oots, BOSTON – Pet lovers are petting themselves on the back and in some other areas, congratulating themselves on the confirmation of what they’ve known for decades: healthy pets live longer.
By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.
By Dr Ray Goolens (Special to The Brutal Times), LOS ANGELES – Do people feel insecure about their looks? Yes they do. A typical remedy for this in the USA may be a short trip to the plastic surgeon. My […]