Delicious Toppings
- Ask Daemon Mailer
- Backpackers
- Bookmobile
- Business Jesus
- Canaduh
- Conversational Gold
- Delicious Toppings
- Disco Island
- Exclusive!
- Featured Brutality
- Grande Chef Otto
- Highlighted Brutality
- Hollywood Pap
- Iraq
- Japan
- Latest Brutality
- Ordinary People
- Party Central
- Presidential Daily Brief
- Santa
- Schadenfreude
- Sick Bay
- Special Report
- Stories For Bottoms
- Thinking Man's Rock
-
Repeat Offenders
Sugar Daddies
Known Associates
What's on the Internet Tonight?
- 2channel
- 2channel Wiki blurb
- Al Arabiya
- Arts and Letters Daily
- Atlantic Monthly Back Issues
- Atlantic Wire
- Big coffee drinkers hallucinate more
- Big Daikon Forum
- Budget Trouble
- Channel 101
- Classic Essay:Why can't I own a Canadian?
- Daily Show
- Darkplace
- David Foster Wallace's String Theory
- David Lynch
- DJ Pancake
- Drudge Report
- Esquire Magazine Fiction
- Exile Archive
- Exiled
- Fangoria
- Final Bush press conference draws yawns
- Fucked Gaijin
- Funny or Die
- Georgian president joins US army
- GyaO!
- Hangover cures
- Howling Fantods!
- I like my coffee buraku
- I'm Alan Partridge
- Interview Magazine
- Interview Magazine Archives
- Japan Times
- Japan Today
- Jonathan Franzen 12 page article on DFW and Robinson Crusoe
- McSweeney's
- N + 1 Mag Archives
- New York Times
- New Yorker Fiction Archive
- News From A.P.
- Nico Nico Douga
- Nico Nico Douga Wiki blurb
- NME
- Paris Review
- Phantom Blooper
- Pravda
- Project Gutenberg
- Qatar's multicultural rainbow
- Rent-a-friend in Japan
- Rolling Stone
- Saturday Night Live
- Sex Pistols movie script Who Killed Bambi?
- The Thick Of It
- Tokyo Gig Guide
- Ultimate Classic Rock
- Vanity Fair Archives
- WFMU
- Wiki Leaks
Warm Topic Archives: ray goolens
Reality is Worse than TV
By Daemon Mailer, NEW YORK CITY – Millions of Americans are apologizing this morning to their long-suffering tv sets as a landmark report issued in the wee hours is confirming what everybody already knew:
Reality is worse than tv.
Old People Live Longer
By El Toro, WASHINGTON – As Barack Obama America’s first president gears up to give all Americans universal health care, folks are leaning back in their chairs and on the couch to consider the results of a prestigious 60 year study that proves what most of us already knew:
Old people live longer.
“Old people, live longer than young people, ” said Tim Barnes, an unpaid intern at MyGoodies, a multi-billi0n-gazillion dollar tentacles around the world.
Man Who Thinks He’s Funny, Isn’t
By Smia Oots, TORONTO – As sub zero temps blast through this sub-standard city of 17,000 tongues were wagging with a new-found consensus that seemed poised to derail the confidence of at least one Greater Toronto man.
A man, believing himself to be be funny for years, has been clinically proven to be unfunny.
Posted in Stories For Bottoms
Tagged billy, canadian poetry, clutches, comedy, japanese english, ray goolens, reality check, satan, smia oots, the brutal times, twits
2 Comments
Tomb of the Unknown Session Musician Found Under Phil Spector’s House
By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Despite the general lack of interest, spell-binding stories keep surfacing regarding sensational superstar pop music producer Phil Spector, now imprisoned for murder inside the seaside Sing Sing prison.
Tuesday, a local L.A. lad appeared to have discovered a bottomless tomb under Spector’s mammoth residence/studio.
“I crawled under there looking for my baseball and I think I found a tomb full of unknown session musicians,” the boy, Darryl RJ Dennison, 37, said.
James Brown is Dead, China Says
By DJ Salinger, BEIJING – Early reports coming out of this world-class Olympic city are confirming what the rest of the world has believed to be true for well over a year – that James Brown has died.
Anonymous Found Dead
By The Serge, PARIS – This famous French city is being shock-rocked this morning as town criers shriek the news that the world’s most famous recluse has died.
Healthy Pets Live Longer
By Smia Oots, BOSTON – Pet lovers are petting themselves on the back and in some other areas, congratulating themselves on the confirmation of what they’ve known for decades: healthy pets live longer.
I Wanna Get Plastic Surgery – On my Mind!
By Dr Ray Goolens (Special to The Brutal Times), LOS ANGELES – Do people feel insecure about their looks? Yes they do. A typical remedy for this in the USA may be a short trip to the plastic surgeon. My [...]
Posted in Featured Brutality, Sick Bay
Tagged aroma therapy, decision tree, health issues, holiday cheer, inner beauty, los angeles, ray goolens, Sick Bay, the brutal times
1 Comment
Fonzi Schemes Surge in ’08
With investors and investettes losing their tops this quarter the shocking revelation of a new slew of Fonzi schemes has shock-rocked this seasonally sleepy city into a frenzy of fist-waving and foul-mouthed frustration.
Posted in Highlighted Brutality
Tagged Business Jesus, christmas, global finacial crisis, ponzi, ponzi scheme, potsie, ray goolens, the brutal times, the fonz, wall street
3 Comments