Warm Topic Archives: Presidential Daily Brief

Obama: “Our Balls Are To The Wall”

January 21, 2009

By The Serge, WASHINGTON – An estimated two million people braved freezing temps to hear 44th president of the United States Barack Obama be sworn into office in this snow-covered city yesterday. And most of ‘em stuck around for a little while after to hear him deliver his first speech as America’s new commander-in-chief.

“These are trying times,” Obama began as onlookers shouted and hollered in agreement. “Our balls are to the wall,” he went on.

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Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

January 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

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Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

January 8, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

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Dark Knight Angered By Presidential ‘Snub’

By El Toro, NEW YORK CITY – As six former US presidents sat down for a delicious lunch with President George W Bush and president-elect Barack Obama every face at the table beamed with bi-partisan glee.

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U.S. TV Networks Leaving Iraq

January 6, 2009

By The Serge, Sadr City, IRAQ – After 5 years of popular US shows being written, produced and directed in this magnificent mountainous country all but one of the major US tv networks has admitted it has plans to pull the plug on its studio facilities here before the end of 2009.

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North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears

By El Toro, Democracy City, NORTH KOREA – What is it with North Korea? They’re like everybody’s little brother – always clamoring for attention at the worst possible moment. After threatening the good old USA with missiles and plans to build nuclear bombs the tiny island nation ruled by charismatic Kim Jong-Il slipped out of the news for the last few months, giving us all a chance to focus on digesting the fascinating global economic crisis.

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Senator…Madonna? New Yorkers Want Material Girl to Run

January 3, 2009

As CNN persists in its coverage of that boring Gaza invasion by Israel, center of the Earth, New York City is all hopped up and ready over what everyone here all ready knows is really 2009′s top story: the effort to draft Madonna as New York’s new senator.

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Obama Asks Bush to Stay on as President

December 26, 2008

By El Toro, HONOLULU – Call it a case of daring spontaneity brought on by the soothing sand and sun and sea of a sensational luxury post-election breather. Several stalwart Barack Obama supporters were mildly amused by reports coming out of Honolulu this morning that Mr Obama had met privately at his tasteful beach villa with President Bush and several of his friends.

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Germany Arms for WWW III as World Markets Melt

October 6, 2008

By Styles Cradgerock, BERLIN – Perky German president Angela Merkel met today with concerned citizens groups in response to the recent shockwaves sent through Berlin’s markets stemming from the US financial meltdown. Merkel was firm in her resolve to “stay [...]

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Palin Babygate Entangles Edwards

September 2, 2008

(By Barry Hussein) ST PAUL, MINNESOTA – With only days and minutes remaining in the super-charged 2008 presidential race newly-cemented Republican vice-presidential pick Governor Sarah Palin is turning heads and pricking up ears with her peppy plunk and can-do attitude.

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