Warm Topic Archives: Presidential Daily Brief

Japan Gives Iran 9 Volcanoes

March 20, 2009

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Just as Barack Obama America’s first black president has offered Iran “a new day” via his personal VHS videotape message to Iran’s president Saddam Hussein, Japan, the world’s second superpower is giving Iran nine volcanoes on Tuesday.

“Japan, one of our most ah steadfast uh allies – in the fight to ah, to really get things turned around over there ah in Iran, has ah to the best of our knowledge, ah promised to deliver those volcanoes before breakfast to ah Mr Hussein,” Mr Obama commented via his Blackberry text machine.

Posted in Iraq, Japan | Tagged barack obama, black berry, iran, iran-us relations, Japan, ohashi jozu, Presidential Daily Brief, saddam hussein, the brutal times, vhs, volcano, volcanoes | 1 Comment

McCain to Meet with Nice Iraqi Envoy

March 15, 2009

By Barry Hussein, UTAH – That guy who lost the presidential election last year, John McCain, will meet with a nice Iraqi envoy at Denny’s this week, according to InfoSandwich News Service reports.

“Yeah, I’m gonna meet – what’s his name? George Thompson, an Iraqi envoy this week and get the lowdown on what the situation on the ground is over there,” McCain said, grinning like it meant something.

“Oh I get it, but what does your grin mean?” I asked the big loser.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barry hussein, beady eyes, dennys, envoy, headlocks, infosandwich, Iraq, iraqi envoy, john mccain, john mccain updates, Presidential Daily Brief, senator mccain, teachable moments | Leave a comment

Bin Laden Nixes Blu-Ray, Opts for VHS

March 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, 177 Dusty Meadow Road, PAKISTAN – Classic War on Terror action figure and actual mass murderer Osama bin Laden is alienating younger followers this morning in his hideout with news that “all 2009 al Qaeda videos will be issued on VHS only”.

Nooooooo.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged beta, blu-ray, jar jar binks, osama bin laden, pakistan, Presidential Daily Brief, student films, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, vhs, war on terror classic | Leave a comment

Obama: “Our Balls Are To The Wall”

January 21, 2009

By The Serge, WASHINGTON – An estimated two million people braved freezing temps to hear 44th president of the United States Barack Obama be sworn into office in this snow-covered city yesterday. And most of ’em stuck around for a little while after to hear him deliver his first speech as America’s new commander-in-chief.

“These are trying times,” Obama began as onlookers shouted and hollered in agreement. “Our balls are to the wall,” he went on.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged america, balls, barack obama, dr ray goolens, ghostwriting, iphone, joe biden, matt drudge, obama inauguration, plagiarism, Presidential Daily Brief, snowsuit, sweat, the brutal times, the serge, washington, yin yang twins | 2 Comments

Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

January 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged al qaeda, al queda, anderson cooper, barry hussein, global economic crisis, global financial crisis, jarjar binks, job cuts, osama bin laden, part-time job cuts, Presidential Daily Brief, riyadh, saudi arabia, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, war on terror, you tube | 1 Comment

Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

January 8, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, beer, few want to touch obama's bulging stimulus package, global economic crisis, halo, japanese mosaic, john mccain, Presidential Daily Brief, ray goolens, springsteen, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, U.S.financial crisis, USA, yes we can | 5 Comments

Dark Knight Angered By Presidential ‘Snub’

By El Toro, NEW YORK CITY – As six former US presidents sat down for a delicious lunch with President George W Bush and president-elect Barack Obama every face at the table beamed with bi-partisan glee.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Hollywood Pap, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, batman, el toro, gotham city, iphone, lunch with obama bush and other presidents, new york, Presidential Daily Brief, snub, ssh...kebab, the brutal times, the dark night, us politics, washington, wasted, youtube | 1 Comment

U.S. TV Networks Leaving Iraq

January 6, 2009

By The Serge, Sadr City, IRAQ – After 5 years of popular US shows being written, produced and directed in this magnificent mountainous country all but one of the major US tv networks has admitted it has plans to pull the plug on its studio facilities here before the end of 2009.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Iraq | Tagged 3rd rock from the sun, cspan, el toro, frasier, full house, Iraq, Presidential Daily Brief, sadr city, the brutal times, us tv networks, US TV networks leaving Iraq, war | Leave a comment

North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears

By El Toro, Democracy City, NORTH KOREA – What is it with North Korea? They’re like everybody’s little brother – always clamoring for attention at the worst possible moment. After threatening the good old USA with missiles and plans to build nuclear bombs the tiny island nation ruled by charismatic Kim Jong-Il slipped out of the news for the last few months, giving us all a chance to focus on digesting the fascinating global economic crisis.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged britney spears, dj salinger, el toro, kim jong-il, north korea, North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears, North Korea to Obm, obama, Presidential Daily Brief, skype, the brutal times, Thinking Man's Rock | 2 Comments

Senator…Madonna? New Yorkers Want Material Girl to Run

January 3, 2009

As CNN persists in its coverage of that boring Gaza invasion by Israel, center of the Earth, New York City is all hopped up and ready over what everyone here all ready knows is really 2009’s top story: the effort to draft Madonna as New York’s new senator.

Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality | Tagged caroline kennedy, cnn, dj salinger, hollywood pap, madonna, new york, new york senate seat vacancy, Presidential Daily Brief, senator...madonna? new yorkers want material girl to run, the brutal times, the serge, Thinking Man's Rock, top news story, us politics | 1 Comment