Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

Google Alert for Obama: North Korea Trying to Start a Big Fucking War

July 4, 2009

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – Dear President-elect Obama/To Whom it May Concern, It’s great you became the president. I’m looking forward visiting your country some day when I get a free time.

By the way, did you know – North Korea is trying to start a big fucking war with Japan.

Posted in Japan, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, google alerts, Japan, kim jong-il, north korea, north korea missile, north korea shoots missile over japan, north korean missile, nukes, obama, ohashi jozu, Presidential Daily Brief, the brutal times, war world war II | Leave a comment

New Fear for Michael: Rock n’ Roll Heaven is ‘Full’

June 30, 2009

By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, The Notorious B.I.G., Cindi Lauper – all were stars trying to make it in the City of Angels who died trying before they ever got an honest break.

And now added to the list, former Jackson 5 frontman, singing sensation Michael Jackson.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged axl rose, barista, bun e carlos, celebrity deaths, cindi lauper, dj salinger, eco whites, euythmics, g n' r, guns and roses, jackson 5, jimi hendrix, king of pop, los angeles, michael jackson, new fear for michael, north korea, phil collins, rock and roll heaven, rockn roll heaven, talk talk, the brutal times, the notorious b.i.g., Thinking Man's Rock, tupaccheap trick | 4 Comments

James Brown is Dead, China Says

June 27, 2009

By DJ Salinger, BEIJING – Early reports coming out of this world-class Olympic city are confirming what the rest of the world has believed to be true for well over a year – that James Brown has died.

Posted in Exclusive!, Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged china, chinese censorship, circle k, dj salinger, fluffer, james brown, olympics, online social networking, ray goolens, the brutal times, town criers | 1 Comment

Young Roppongi Drunk: ‘My Dick is Your Dick’

June 23, 2009

TOKYO (Roppongi) Sun. June 20/The New Lex 3:02am – The Brutal Times and a friendo were moping the floor with their faces as youngsters jammed their pointy double-jointed elbows into our crotches and guts.

Lady Gaga sang about the things that really make us tick.

No one was anywhere near getting any play.

Posted in Conversational Gold | Tagged 1987, charlie sheen, Conversational Gold, lady gaga, lexington queen, my dick, roppongi, sausagefest, sid vicious, the brutal times, the new lex, tokyo, wall street, yellow fever, young drunks, yves dropper | 4 Comments

Take Out Food is Healthier Than Home Cooked Food

June 22, 2009

By Grande Chef Otto, Paris, THE LOUVRE – Bob Lomax lifts weights four times a day. He wakes at 4:31 am, rinses his balls in an imported basin from Bahrain, and meditates in Japanese for nine minutes while his second “wife” Vickers prepares a delicate vitamin powerhouse pureed and mulched (basically the same thing I know) in an eleven hundred dollar pureeing mulching machine from Sicily.

Bob has had seventy four heart attacks.

Posted in Grande Chef Otto | Tagged Business Jesus, da vinci code, diets, fine healthy cuisine, good eats, Grande Chef Otto, iphone, leonardo da vinci, pasta la vista, right wing think tank, shh...keba, ssh...kebab, the brutal times, the louvre, tom hanks | 4 Comments

I Left my Iron On

By Louise, Special to The Brutal Times, WYOMING – I left my iron on. I left it plugged in after ironing my husband Ray’s shirts and pants last night. Now I’m worried it’s caught on fire and that the flames have spread to the curtains.

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged global credit crunch, i left my iron on, i left myhone, ip, iron, iron on, ironing tales, Ordinary People, pantaloons, submarine sandwich, the brutal times | 2 Comments

Who Declares Flu a Pandemic

June 20, 2009

By DJ Salinger, NEW YORK CITY – Roger Waters and Pete Townshend of The Who declared swine flu “a pandemic” today at an historic concert/lecture given by the two towering talents at New York’s fantastic United Nations.

Posted in Sick Bay | Tagged dj salinger, doomsday, global recession, gloom, health advisories, Japan, ozzy, ozzy osbourne, pandemic, pete townshend, roger waters, Sick Bay, the brutal times, the who, trains | Leave a comment

Mythical Thom Yorke Comedy Album Found

By DJ Salinger, LONDON – Brits cheered news this morning that the holy grail of Radiohead fans – a lost Thom Yorke stand up comedy triple album, had been found under a box of Kleenex in a Los Angeles record producer’s gated estate.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged castro, comedy albums, cuba, dj salinger, facebook, fluffer, illegal downloading, iran, iran unrest, kim jong-il, kleenex, los angeles, lost albums, north koreas, obama, phil spector, rachel spector, radiohead, stand up comedy, the brutal times, the flu, Thinking Man's Rock, thom yorke | 4 Comments

Neck & Penis Close to Bush, Report Says

June 18, 2009

By Barry Hussein, LOS ANGELES – Industry fashion plate Neck & Penis have embraced Bush in areas where the majority of others have shied away, according to a new report published by prestigious Caribbean think-tank MyGoodies.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barry hussein, bush, Business Jesus, mygoodies, neck & penis, neck and penis, sears, the brutal times | 1 Comment

‘I Went Camping with Axl Rose’ Cock Blocker Insists

By Cock Blocker, Honorable Prime Minister du Canada, Special to The Brutal Times, Tender Foot Provincial Park, Northern Ont. CANADA –

So, seriously I know it was him!

I prefer to camp alone because my job is shit and my wife’s a bitch and she hates camping. I like to come out as soon as the locks thaw out enough to get the doors open.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged axl rose, camping, canada, cock blocker, cockblocker, guns n roses, the brutal times | 1 Comment