By Louise, Special to The Brutal Times, WYOMING – I left my iron on. I left it plugged in after ironing my husband Ray’s shirts and pants last night. Now I’m worried it’s caught on fire and that the flames have spread to the curtains.
But I forgot my iPhone so I can’t call home to let the kids know.
So when they get home they’ll probably be engulfed by flames.
I should’ve unplugged the iron.
I just bought it because the last one was engulfed by flames.
They threw in a new set of curtains for free because of the global credit crunch.
Our house is/was sandwiched between a highly populated residential area crammed full of intelligentsia.
The stay at home types.
Engulfed by flames.
When I go for lunch I’m gonna order a toasted submarine sandwich.
Then if there’s a pay phone around that works I’m gonna call my husband Ray.
One time when there was a huge roaring unstoppable seven hundred foot fire due to my forgetting to unplug a couple of irons because I was multitasking and ironing the kids’ Halloween costumes upstairs and Ray’s mime outfit in the basement Ray came to the rescue on his lunch break.
Oh, define rescue?
Well, what I mean is he threw himself on the fire. Through the front window.
He’s not really in the condition to do that again, but the others in my family lack motivation. Or skills really.
How come folks care so much about damn ironed clothes? Look at the cost will you? Me myself I prefer baggy and unironed. Free and easy.
My pant legs are so baggy they’re like pantaloons. Balloon pants.
The fire/fires aren’t my fault.