Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

Bin Laden: Al Qaeda to Cut Part-Timers, Close Schools

January 14, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, with Minx Cradgerock , PARIS – As hard times are felt all across the globe due to the worsening of the financial crisis everyone is looking for ways to pinch pennies and froog to the new frugal beat of 2009.

Duh.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged al qaeda, al queda, anderson cooper, barry hussein, global economic crisis, global financial crisis, jarjar binks, job cuts, osama bin laden, part-time job cuts, Presidential Daily Brief, riyadh, saudi arabia, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, war on terror, you tube | 1 Comment

U2 Popular in Irish Pub

January 13, 2009

By DJ Salinger, BROOKLYN – It’s a Tuesday night and as usual the dance floor is cluttered with couples each engaged in various stages of groping as prescribed in that ancient mystical text, the Kama Sutra.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged bono, daniel day lewis, dj salinger, duck n' fox, guinness, in the name of love, irish pubs, martin luther king jr, the brutal times, Thinking Man's Rock, U2 | Leave a comment

Erectile Disfunction Wanes as After Dinner Conversation Topic

By Grande Chef Otto, MARTHA’S VINEYARD – A poll in the popularity of after dinner conversation topics around the world was released today by prestigious Carribbean think tank MyGoodies. The poll which covers the years 2007-2008 contains a number of shockers.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged after dinner conversation topics, best of 2008, conversation topics, erectile disfunction, Grande Chef Otto, martha's vineyard, my goodies, the brutal times | 2 Comments

Few Want to Touch Obama’s Bulging Stimulus Package

January 8, 2009

By Styles Cradgerock, WASHINGTON – Despite his good looks and boyish smile, despite his taste in music (Springsteen) and way with words (“Yes we can”) it appears that fewer and fewer Americans want to touch his bulging stimulus package.

Posted in Latest Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, beer, few want to touch obama's bulging stimulus package, global economic crisis, halo, japanese mosaic, john mccain, Presidential Daily Brief, ray goolens, springsteen, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, U.S.financial crisis, USA, yes we can | 5 Comments

Canada May Decriminalize Carjacking

By Ohashi Jozu, Belleville Ontario, CANADA – I wept when they sentenced me to board the plane to the arctic country of Canada. This frozen wasteland was made most famous as the site of the fantastic movie Narnia. In that movie there is a tiger which can pull kids along on a sleigh and it looks so thrilling. But Canada is not such a place – its’ cold dehumanizing tundra drives most of the residents here mad within one year. All of this is well-known within Japan, which is why we go to America instead.

Posted in Canaduh | Tagged belleville ontario, canada, canada to decriminalize car-jacking, Canaduh, carjacking, crime, decriminalization, ice wine, narnia, ohashi jozu, the brutal times, winter | 3 Comments

Dark Knight Angered By Presidential ‘Snub’

By El Toro, NEW YORK CITY – As six former US presidents sat down for a delicious lunch with President George W Bush and president-elect Barack Obama every face at the table beamed with bi-partisan glee.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Hollywood Pap, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged barack obama, batman, el toro, gotham city, iphone, lunch with obama bush and other presidents, new york, Presidential Daily Brief, snub, ssh...kebab, the brutal times, the dark night, us politics, washington, wasted, youtube | 1 Comment

U.S. TV Networks Leaving Iraq

January 6, 2009

By The Serge, Sadr City, IRAQ – After 5 years of popular US shows being written, produced and directed in this magnificent mountainous country all but one of the major US tv networks has admitted it has plans to pull the plug on its studio facilities here before the end of 2009.

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Iraq | Tagged 3rd rock from the sun, cspan, el toro, frasier, full house, Iraq, Presidential Daily Brief, sadr city, the brutal times, us tv networks, US TV networks leaving Iraq, war | Leave a comment

North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears

By El Toro, Democracy City, NORTH KOREA – What is it with North Korea? They’re like everybody’s little brother – always clamoring for attention at the worst possible moment. After threatening the good old USA with missiles and plans to build nuclear bombs the tiny island nation ruled by charismatic Kim Jong-Il slipped out of the news for the last few months, giving us all a chance to focus on digesting the fascinating global economic crisis.

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged britney spears, dj salinger, el toro, kim jong-il, north korea, North Korea to Obama: Give Us Britney Spears, North Korea to Obm, obama, Presidential Daily Brief, skype, the brutal times, Thinking Man's Rock | 2 Comments

My New Year Resolution: I Want Oprah’s Boobs

January 4, 2009

By Yana, (Special to The Brutal Times) SANTA MONICA – I don’t know about you, but in my social circle all the huffing and puffing around Oprah Winfrey’s boobs has consumed most of my winter holiday. People just could not – I mean could not leave Oprah’s boobs alone.

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged brutal, christmas, oprah, oprah's boobs, Ordinary People, sex, the brutal times, the holiday season, turkey | 1 Comment

Senator…Madonna? New Yorkers Want Material Girl to Run

January 3, 2009

As CNN persists in its coverage of that boring Gaza invasion by Israel, center of the Earth, New York City is all hopped up and ready over what everyone here all ready knows is really 2009’s top story: the effort to draft Madonna as New York’s new senator.

Posted in Hollywood Pap, Latest Brutality | Tagged caroline kennedy, cnn, dj salinger, hollywood pap, madonna, new york, new york senate seat vacancy, Presidential Daily Brief, senator...madonna? new yorkers want material girl to run, the brutal times, the serge, Thinking Man's Rock, top news story, us politics | 1 Comment