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Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times
Anonymous Found Dead
By The Serge, PARIS – This famous French city is being shock-rocked this morning as town criers shriek the news that the world’s most famous recluse has died.
Iranian Unrest Threatens Air Miles
By Styles Cradgerock, DETROIT – As you know we’re all connected by the globalization. And so the unrest in Iran is threatening our air miles.
Accidental Airlines, one of America’s premier low budget fliers says millions, maybe zillions of miles may not be honored or waved entirely due to the crisis.
Posted in Iraq
Tagged accidental airlines, air miles, iran, iran election, saddam hussein, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, thingy, unrest
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My Friend is Sexting Barack Obama, and He Sexts Back!
By Kaylie, Special to the Brutal Times, BOSTON – My friend Jessie is sexting Barack Obama – and he sexts her back!!! They met online and now everyone around me is pooping their pants cause the gossip is so good!
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged barack obama, boston, campfires, edgar allan poe, facebook, fluffer, gossip, online, sexting, teens, the brutal times
2 Comments
Apple & Rubix Unveil iPube
By Smia Oots, BRISBANE – Choosing balmy Brisbane as the setting to showcase their first joint venture, former arch rivals Apple Computer and Rubix blew everyone’s jets when they unveiled what industry insiders are saying is revving up to be the hit of the summer.
What is it?
Meet – the iPube.
Posted in Special Report
Tagged apple, brisbane, gadgets, gizmos, ipod, iPube, pubes, rubix cube, smia oots, the brutal times
1 Comment
A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa 2: Lunching
By Grande Chef Otto, Tokyo, SHIMOKITAZAWA – I know I know, you’re all shaking your collective headbanging heads wondering why I’d go and do such a crazy thing.
Eat out in Shimokitazawa.
Well I was hungry.
I Love Slurping Fondue from my Crock Pot
Special to The Brutal Times, By Bradley Meyer – I was hating every single moment of my life until I found my fondue crock pot on the street in front of my neighbor’s house.
That crock pot, once cleaned off and packed with thick translucent fondue goo has knocked me on my keister and wrapped its dripping hot salty tentacles around my mind.
Posted in Ordinary People
Tagged crock pot, fine cuisine, fondue, insane meals, ipod touch, Ordinary People, quick meals, the brutal times
2 Comments
Rush’s 2112 Estates Mostly Unsold
By DJ Salinger, TORONTO – Coveted Rush 2112 Estates mostly lie empty as people in this super funky fried chicken hipster town are rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.
“I really wanted a Rush condo,” said Basil Head, 43 “but I’m rushing headlong instead towards more affordable housing.”
But where, dude?
“In my mother’s basement – it’s got laundry.”
Posted in Exclusive!, Thinking Man's Rock
Tagged 2112, affordable housing, condos, dj salinger, economic crisis, hipsters, housing bubble, irony, markham, mcdonald's, my mother's basement, prog rock, real estate, record store clerks, rush, shopper's drug mart, stereomoms, the brutal times, Thinking Man's Rock, toronto real estate
2 Comments
Coping with Change
By Liz Traileboum, Special to The Brutal Times – I’m a stay at home mom, trying to balance five jobs, one hundred and sixteen kids and seven thousand jobs I do from the comfort of my own kitchen. I guess you could say I’m stuck juggling about eleven million different routines.
Boy, some days I get so pooped!
Yeah, and then the anger comes. From coping with change.
Posted in Ordinary People
Tagged change, changes, coping, coping with change, light sweet crude, Ordinary People, star trek, stay at home mom, stephen king, the brutal times, trekkies
2 Comments
North Korea Launches Naughty Rocket
By Barry Hussein, PYONGYANG – North Korea got almost no attention from anyone under 5o today when it behaved “very naughtily” and launched an enormous throbbing Taepodong missile rocket thingy into outer space.
“I don’t care about the rocket – it’s boring,” said Koari Mitsui, 21, a juniour college student at Tokyo’s prestigious International School of Beans & Nail Arts.
Americans didn’t know where North Korea was.