Warm Topic Archives: Grande Chef Otto

Interview Schminterbiew

February 10, 2009

By Ghazala Khan (Special to The Brutal Times) TOKYO -

The following interview was conducted by Ghazala Khan of The Pakistani Spectator. It recalls a friendlier, more innocent time when staff members of The Brutal Times could casually gather around the fried chicken dispensor in the BT offices at Shimokitazawa Hills. A time when birds chirped, but not too loudly. Before the layoffs and the name-calling. Two weeks ago.

Posted in Delicious Toppings | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Erectile Disfunction Wanes as After Dinner Conversation Topic

January 13, 2009

By Grande Chef Otto, MARTHA’S VINEYARD – A poll in the popularity of after dinner conversation topics around the world was released today by prestigious Carribbean think tank MyGoodies. The poll which covers the years 2007-2008 contains a number of shockers.

Posted in Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

A Brutal Guide to Shimokitazawa: Dining Out

September 21, 2008

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO – As you know, hipsters of all shapes and sizes travel all over the world every year lugging their Canadian flag backpacks to and fro. Some of these so-called “backpackers” wind up on the highly-acidified streets of Shimokitazawa, a little ol’ town in Tokyo, I purchased from an ancient Japanese man a few years ago.

Posted in Grande Chef Otto | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Ziagra Mania Grips Asia

September 7, 2008

By Grande Chef Otto, BANGKOK – A recent MyGoodies poll is showing that among high-paid male professionals in the U.S. and the U.K. who suffer from “lapus diversus atopiscus” (commonly known as impotence), a whooping 99.1% are jetting to Bangkok [...]

Posted in Grande Chef Otto | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

2 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers Are Cheaper Than 1 Double Cheeseburger

May 2, 2008

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO- As world food prices soar and balloon out of control prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies is reporting that on site inspections conclusively indicate that 2 McDonald’s cheeseburgers are cheaper than one double cheeseburger. “We found [...]

Posted in Featured Brutality, Grande Chef Otto | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Ancient Mayan Food Pyramid Unearthed

April 7, 2008

By Grande Chef Otto MEXICO (Tijuana) – Brutal April showers the last few weeks have kept Stateside tourists from making their annual after spring break pilgrimages to this holy city adding to the woes of local street musicians and artisans [...]

Posted in Featured Brutality, Grande Chef Otto | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Canada`s Giraffe Hunt Begins

January 15, 2008

By Grande Chef Otto, VANCOUVER – VANCOUVER – With the arrival of the first bitter winter wind to this popular international tourist hotspot came also the first blasts and echoes of burpguns and mortars. No, Vancouver has not suddenly been [...]

Posted in Canaduh, Grande Chef Otto, Highlighted Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

Subway Cushion Soups a Smash in San Francisco

November 14, 2007

By Grande Chef Otto, SAN FRANCISCO – The sound of the City of Love’s treasured trolleys may be magic to the ears of the millions of mutton-chopped foreign visitors this sleepy California coastal villa receives each year, but lately locals [...]

Posted in Grande Chef Otto | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment