Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

I’m So Bad At Cooking!

By Michelle McDougal (Special to The Brutal Times) – This is the third time this week I’ve burnt dinner. I don’t know what is wrong with me! Why can’t I make a good meal, like my cousin Janice? Janice has […]

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Prince Harry Confesses To Ripper Killings

(By Styles Cradgerock) LONDON, England- The twisted tangled trail leading to the unmasking of the true identity of one of England`s most notorious murderers has taken yet another twisted tangled turn . In what has been the first concrete step […]

Posted in Exclusive!, Hollywood Pap | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Where Does The Time Go?

By Ken Falls, (Special to The Brutal Times) – It was just yesterday when I was a young man, throwing the ball around and dreaming about going to college where maybe I could meet some nice girl. Now it’s, wow, […]

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

New Radiohead Album ‘Too Soon, Too Soon’ Say Fans

By DJ Salinger, ENGLAND (London) – For those select few lucky enough to be gathered at 19 Breithoss Crossing Place the event held this Sunday evening was one approaching a religious experience. Popular British Deepresso artists Radiohead slipped quietly past the mass media radar, and ingeniously, by holding their secret first listening party one month after the album’s official mainstream release, once again had many music industry veterans feeling baffled and a trifle out of touch.

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Canada`s Giraffe Hunt Begins

By Grande Chef Otto, VANCOUVER – VANCOUVER – With the arrival of the first bitter winter wind to this popular international tourist hotspot came also the first blasts and echoes of burpguns and mortars. No, Vancouver has not suddenly been […]

Posted in Canaduh, Grande Chef Otto, Highlighted Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , | 19 Comments

McCain Feels The Heat For Romulan ‘Slur’

By Barry Hussein, DETROIT- Freshly-minted Republican primary front-runner John McCain may have placed his chances of victory this Tuesday in Michigan in jeopardy. McCain, 71, who ran much of his campaign for the presidency in 2000 aboard a bus known […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

Daemon Mailer Tazed At Canadian Airport

By El Toro, TORONTO – Flamboyant Internet pioneer Daemon Mailer was rushed to Toronto’s Grace Hospital early this morning after being repeatedly tazed in front of shocked onlookers at Pearson International Airport. Mailer, who witnesses said appeared “between 30 and […]

Posted in Canaduh, Latest Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Hillary Stuck In Tight 3-Way With Obama And Edwards

By Styles Cradgerock, IOWA – With both Democratic and Republican caucus members braving record-low freezing temps to root for their favored candidates early this morning, hushed voices in the Democratic camp were overheard whispering that former front runner Hillary Clinton […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , | 8 Comments

Cheese: Legal Tender in Canada by 2014

By Marshall Stack, CANADA (Thornloe) -In the normally tepid hamlet of Thornloe, Ontario, there is an air brewing in the air. There is a buzz around the lone traffic light and the door of the convenience store is being opened and summarily closed far more often than usual. Why the sturm und drang?

Posted in Canaduh, Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , | 15 Comments

Plagiarism Scandal Rocks Toronto, Shatters New Year Calm

By Hank Bonner, TORONTO – Michael Conti, a Grade 10 student honor student at Toronto’s prestigious Central
Technical School found himself at the centre of a
fierce dispute between his parents, a highly-revered teacher, and
school administrators Thursday morning.

Posted in Canaduh, Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , | 8 Comments