Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times

Librarians Threaten National Security

  By Marshall Stack (NEW YORK CITY) -At the Pinecrest Public Libary in Quikton, things just aren’t the same. Gone are the boisterous crowds of youngsters eager to chew the fat in low whispers about their favorite scribes. No longer […]

Posted in Bookmobile | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Iraq Offers To Reduce Brutal Cost Of War

By Barry Hussein, Iraq, BAGHDAD – As costs mount for the pricey Iraq war, bean counters in the US administration have been prodding policymakers to look for cheaper theaters of operation in the upcoming fiscal new year. The non-partisan Congressional […]

Posted in Featured Brutality, Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

DIY Organ Transplants – Easier Than You Thought

By Brutal Times Health Watch Doctor Wayne McGillicutty, SMILES – You may have foolishly thought that major operations like transplants were best left to surgeons in hospitals, but one Toronto area man is seeking to change all that. “The myth […]

Posted in Highlighted Brutality, Sick Bay | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Top Record Stores Offer ‘Five Finger Discount’ Fridays

By DJ Salinger, TOKYO – In a preemptive shot across the bow of music piracy kingpins and iPod inventors Bill and Melinda Gates, top record stores HMV and Tower Records announced they plan to appeal to the dark side of […]

Posted in Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Japan Introduces ‘Foreigner-Only’ Train Compartments

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As the foreign population bursts and explodes in Japan, leading to more and more awkward moments between normal Japanese and uncouth Americans, forward-thinking Japanese transportation companies have come up with a novel solution: Foreigner-Only train […]

Posted in Featured Brutality, Japan | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 10 Comments

I Don’t Like Rainy Days

By Lorna (Special to The Brutal Times)- I don’t like rainy days. I dunno, I guess it’s just because it requires that little extra effort and I’m so tucked out after giving the kids a bath the previous night and […]

Posted in Ordinary People | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

One Man’s Opinion: Opera Sucks

By Marshall Stack (TORONTO)- Musicologist Matt Von Vertmoor is a man driven. Each morning at exactly five a.m. he leaves his tiny downtown apartment and travels by subway to the Canadian Opera Company’s Performance Venue on Queen St. West. After […]

Posted in Latest Brutality, Thinking Man's Rock | Tagged , , , , , , | 7 Comments

Comedians Pray For Obama Loss

By Smia Oots (Special To The Brutal Times) NEW YORK CITY- A gathering of the nation’s star comedians caused stirs in the throngs of shoppers who crowded in to Times Square Monday to heed President George W Bush’s call to […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

State Of The Union Spoiler: Iraq War ‘Ironic’ Bush Says

By the serge, WASHINGTON (The Brutal Times) – In advance copies of tonight’s State of the Union address obtained by The Brutal Times, President George W Bush reveals his 2003 plan to invade Iraq was “ironic,” and insists that he […]

Posted in Presidential Daily Brief | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

‘My Life Was A Pecan-Glazed Hell’: Confessions Of A Wicker Addict

By Marshall Stack, NEW YORK- Luke Lundy speaks quickly through thin, lip balm stained fingers as he peers furtively out at the world through the same fingers he is trying to speak through. This is no easy task for the […]

Posted in Featured Brutality | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments