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Ordinary People

Yo! This is the place celebrities come to check up whutchewandme been up to! Yar! You know – where you get your reality check and get to see how the real folks live. The “long hard slog” as Rumsfeld put it.

Nice Guy Turns Out to Be a Dick

Special to The Brutal Times, By Tammy Glynne, TAMPA – Finally, after years of searching, I thought I’d met the perfect mate – Brad Jackson, 25, great body, hair on his head a big fat bank account.

Heck, he even threw the occasional compliment my way.

“Babe, you’ve got great tits,” he said one day by the pool.

I thought he was such a nice guy.

I Left my Iron On

By Louise, Special to The Brutal Times, WYOMING – I left my iron on. I left it plugged in after ironing my husband Ray’s shirts and pants last night. Now I’m worried it’s caught on fire and that the flames have spread to the curtains.

I Love Slurping Fondue from my Crock Pot

Special to The Brutal Times, By Bradley Meyer – I was hating every single moment of my life until I found my fondue crock pot on the street in front of my neighbor’s house.

That crock pot, once cleaned off and packed with thick translucent fondue goo has knocked me on my keister and wrapped its dripping hot salty tentacles around my mind.

Coping with Change

By Liz Traileboum, Special to The Brutal Times – I’m a stay at home mom, trying to balance five jobs, one hundred and sixteen kids and seven thousand jobs I do from the comfort of my own kitchen. I guess you could say I’m stuck juggling about eleven million different routines.

Boy, some days I get so pooped!

Yeah, and then the anger comes. From coping with change.

Books are so Boring

Special to the Brutal Times, By Tamara – Books are so boring. Don’t get me wrong – I love books. I grew up around books all my life.

But every time I look at a book it just puts me to sleep.

What’s Joaquin Phoenix Eating?

By Connie Roe, Special to the Brutal Times, BUFFALO – Hey Brutal Times, I was wondering. You got that Chef Otto, right? Could you ask him what Joaquin Phoenix is eating these days?

Boy, I think that guy has problems! He’s gotta be eating something downright strange. That would account for his wacky behavior on all those shows.

My Favorite Show’s Not On

By Lorraine Le Blanc, Special to The Brutal Times – When I come home from work I fix myself and my husband Marcus a delicious meal from online recipes I download straight into my range.

It’s a hell of a job and by the time I’m done I’m drenched in rank sweat and there’s sauce pretty much everywhere, even up my nose once in January with that chicken ala king.

But what’s really my saving grace is after, sitting down to enjoy American Idol.

Ola! Cuba Is Mucho Zesty!

By Brad Bremner, (Special to the Brutal Times) Cuba, VERADERO –

Someone just fucking shoot me. Seriously, I got wasted on mojitos* and passed out in the sun. (* Cuban beverage containing vitamin A, B12, and powerful intoxicants and properties to enlarge feet and buttocks).

Now I’m lying here basted in fifty dollar sunburn lotion by the bar and I’m just going to stay pissed until either I fuckin’ die or the nightmare ends. They really should warn you about those goddamned minty drinks, don’t you think?

My New Year Resolution: I Want Oprah’s Boobs

By Yana, (Special to The Brutal Times) SANTA MONICA – I don’t know about you, but in my social circle all the huffing and puffing around Oprah Winfrey’s boobs has consumed most of my winter holiday. People just could not – I mean could not leave Oprah’s boobs alone.

Sorry to Swear, but I Hate My Fucking Computer!

Ooh I hate my fucking computer! I know it’s bad to swear and in the Christmas season because of the Baby Jesus etc but OMG if my computer was a person I’d drag it outside by its pubes and beat it in the street.