Special to the Brutal Times, By Tamara Gunman – Books are so boring. Don’t get me wrong – I love books. I grew up around books all my life.
But every time I look at a book it just puts me to sleep. About the longest thing I can bear to read is a breakfast recipe.
One of my keypal e-friends on Fluffer kept prodding me and prodding me to read that new book by what’sherface. Talk about a touching gesture.
Talk about fuckin’ rude!
Books are made by lonelyass losers for other lonelyass losers.
Me, I like to spend my Saturday nights bombed. And let me tell you, it’s pretty freakin’ hard to hold a book in your hand when you’re out on the dancefloor with someone’s hands in your pants.
Anyway, someone gave me Harry Potter’s new book for my birthday because they thought it would teach me a lesson.
Fat chance! I ripped the cover off, put it in the microwave and fried it into nonoseconds. Then, I took a cheesegrater – the kind you find around the house, and shredded every fuckin’ word off every last page of that thing, except for “The End”, which I Krazy-Glued to my forehead ’cause it kind of freaks people out.
Every body always pretends they read books.
Books are for losers.