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Warm Topic Archives: the brutal times
David Lee Roth Looks Like Steve Martin
By DJ Salinger, LOS ANGELES – Van Halen fans watching the band’s just-released video with singer David Lee Roth for the song Tattoo, have been scratching themselves more than usual this week, as many were noticing that Roth now bears a striking resemblance to comedian Steve Martin.
“Well, the reason for that is quite obvious to me at least,” quipped Republican U.S. presidential candidate Ron Paul,76.
Oh, and why is that?
“That’s because he is Steve Martin.”
Nietzsche’s New Sex Tape!
By Daemon Mailer, HELSINKI – Internet users breathed a heavy sigh of Internet relief this morning at news that the Obama Administration and governments around the globe will allow German philosopher Nietzsche’s new sex tape to stream a little longer.
For Lefties, the Right Hand is ‘The Stranger’
By El Toro, with DJ Salinger contributing, IOWA – Yes, for years folks over forty thought Billy Joel was “The Stranger.”
And maybe he was, in a way, in whatever way that might mean.
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged 2012 US presidential election, billy joel, daemon mailer, davy crockett, dj salinger, el toro, for lefties, hugo chavez, iowa, justinbeiber, occupy wall street, Presidential Daily Brief, scrolling down, the brutal times, the right hand is the stranger, the stranger, toto
8 Comments
Morning Person Pisses Everyone Off
By Owen Richardson, Special to The Brutal Times, KANSAS – Morning people. Who makes them? God, probably. But as time goes on, can we really be so sure? When we cross paths with a morning person after a long night of self-abuse and injurious introspection are we really so well-advised to defer to that person, saying things like, “Uh-huh,” and “Yes, I was listening,” and “Top of the day to you, too, Squire.”?
Guy’s Nose Ring Looks Like a Booger
By Smia Oots, VANCOUVER – I saw a guy riding a bike with one of them nose rings?
It looked like a booger.
“Booger” means booger in Canadian English.
“It’s not a booger – it’s a piercing,” the guy, Dale Barrings, 16, a loans officer at Scotia Bank, told me.
But it sure looks like a booger.
One Billion Killer Baby Names!
By Business Jesus, PARIS – Well, it’s that season again, and everybody’s flummoxed as to what to name their kid? No worries, mate! BT and the folks at home have double-teamed on a new eBook that you can download straight […]
Why Try Harder?: 2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate 8 Spoilers
By Styles Cradgerock,Florida, ORLANDO- Who’d want to go and sit through another Republican 2012 Presidential Master Debate? But with The Serge off sick and Barry Husein confined to his room I drew the short straw and jetted off from Tokyo to sunny Orlando, Florida to sleep through most of it, the 7th Republican Master Debate in as many weeks.
Posted in Exclusive!
Tagged barbara bachmann, bb fun corp, florida, fluffer, ice cream, michelle bachman dominatrix, mitt romney, orlando, Presidential Daily Brief, rick perry, rick the dick santorum, ringo starr's wife, romulan in the white house, romulus, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, why try harder? reoublican presidential 2012 master debate 8 spoilers
6 Comments
2012 Republican Presidential Master Debate Director’s Cut
The following is a Director’s Cut of the 2012 Republican presidential debate on Sept. 7, 2011, in Simi Valley, Calif., as corrected by The Brutal Times.
Posted in Presidential Daily Brief
Tagged 2012 fonzi scheme, 2012 republican presidential master debate director's cut, barry husein, iPad2, mitt romney, mitt romney's romulan heritage, Presidential Daily Brief, rick perry, styles cradgerock, the brutal times, transcript of the 2012 gop debate, us politics 2011 us election 2012
7 Comments
Lack of Kitchen Counter Space in Libya Political Hot Potato for Rebels
By Grande Chef Otto, TRIPOLI – Because there was nothing else on we were stuck watching that revolution thingy in Libya? The one which should have been exciting since their dictator dresses like Michael Jackson and has more attitude than Snoop Doggie, but is actually a snore fest since now all the other channels got wars on `em too?
Doubt is a Ballbreaker & Most are Filled with Crushing Loneliness: Study
By Ray Goolens, THE ATTIC – Doubt is a ballbreaker and most folks are filled with a crushing loneliness, according to a landmark Tweet, issued by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies this morning.