Obama’s Icy Stare a Hit with Kids, Seniors

By Barry Hussein, WASHINGTON – Members of the Washington press are beside themselves with the new knowledge that America’s first black president Obama is easy to tease.

On Monday when a reporter asked the president about Rags, the top secret pooch who was flown into the White House under the cover of night and so on Mr Obama, 47, fixed the reporter, InfoSandwich’s Gary Lobster, with an icy stare.

“As you know, Rags is off topic,” he said.

The icy stare has become a hit with kids and seniors.

“I used Obama’s icy stare to scare the beejesus out of my grampa,” said Rex Palm, 16. “We were eating porridge as usual and she asked me if I wanted seconds and I just stared at her until she apologized and gave me a dollar.”

“I used Obama’s icy stare to get a seat on the bus,” informed Keating Wallt, 64. “Some young asshole was sitting there like he…he owned the whole goddamned world. But that changed when I unleashed the stare,” he went on.

Intellectual property authority Jazz Man, 60, says “There may well be IP issues relating to the president’s icy stare that will restrict future use of it by ordinary people.”

Like what?

“Well, like that techinically, you’re – when you’re doing, partaking, in Obama’s icy stare, what you’re in effect actually doing is licensing the president’s eyeballs and vision system. So that of course brings up the question of compensation.”

Say what?

“You should pay Obama to use his stare – but since he’s too busy, you should pay me and then I’ll be sure to look him up and give him his fair share.”

Oh I get it.

It’s been a dog’s age since America had a president with a good icy stare. Reagan wasn’t bad. W had more of a squint thing going on. I asked presidential historian Ray Goolens who he thought was the best icy staring president in American history.

“Oh…I dunno,” he said.

About Barry Husein

A ferocious intellect, Barry Hussein is not for everybody. Twisting and frugging the nite away, Hussein entices us to sniff his mink sweatpants. Covered in cake, he muses, "Sometimes the hardest sweatpants to fill...are your own."
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