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Grande Chef Otto

Culinary arts hero, Grande Chef Otto is one of the founding members of The Brutal Times. He’s also the longest to go without a paycheque. His reports on cooking dwarf anything you’ve read before ever. Read them now, before they get cold. Trust me – later they’ll make your eyes feel like week-old chop suey.

Ziagra Mania Grips Asia

September 7, 2008 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, BANGKOK – A recent MyGoodies poll is showing that among high-paid male professionals in the U.S. and the U.K. who suffer from “lapus diversus atopiscus” (commonly known as impotence), a whooping 99.1% are jetting to Bangkok […]

2 McDonald’s Cheeseburgers Are Cheaper Than 1 Double Cheeseburger

May 2, 2008 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, TOKYO- As world food prices soar and balloon out of control prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies is reporting that on site inspections conclusively indicate that 2 McDonald’s cheeseburgers are cheaper than one double cheeseburger. “We found […]

Ancient Mayan Food Pyramid Unearthed

April 7, 2008 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto MEXICO (Tijuana) – Brutal April showers the last few weeks have kept Stateside tourists from making their annual after spring break pilgrimages to this holy city adding to the woes of local street musicians and artisans who survive by selling their creations to visiting US thrillseekers.

But early reports this morning suggest that Tijuana’s stormclouds may yet possess a silver lining.

Canada`s Giraffe Hunt Begins

January 15, 2008 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, VANCOUVER – VANCOUVER – With the arrival of the first bitter winter wind to this popular international tourist hotspot came also the first blasts and echoes of burpguns and mortars. No, Vancouver has not suddenly been […]

Subway Cushion Soups a Smash in San Francisco

November 14, 2007 by Grande Chef Otto

By Grande Chef Otto, SAN FRANCISCO – The sound of the City of Love’s treasured trolleys may be magic to the ears of the millions of mutton-chopped foreign visitors this sleepy California coastal villa receives each year, but lately locals […]