This Heat is Killing Me!

By Todd U. Janeway (Special to the Brutal Times) – Oh God! Oh Gawwwwwwwwwd! This heat is killing me! I mean, don’t get me wrong – I like to think of myself as a “summer person” by nature. I like boating, kayaking, roasting kebabs down by the lake. My father was a summer person too. Glen Uganda Janeway looved the summer more than I can remember. God! how that man loved his summer! And his father before him loved the summertime season even more than my old man. My Lord, how he loved his summers! I just want to make it clear that I’m in no means intending to take away from their memories of summer.God strike me if I do!

But my BALLS- and THE SAC AREA that droops beneath- God! do they drip with anger! The slippery goo that pools in the folds of my sac and glans- Lord! How much is one man supposed to take?

I live in the nether regions of New York City – I didn’t choose to live here; I was transferred after another man, Lewis Taine, took the easy way out after failing to complete his tasks. As a result of his unprofessional conduct I was entreated to move from Boston where I was happy, into this cesspool.

At first I enjoyed the shopping and my eyes all but burst when I saw how short the office ladies wear their Burberry skirts. Lordy! I thought – loooga thaaat!

But the teeming mess of humanity combing their sticky matted locks out of their eyes and pressing their soaking pants against mine in the morning commute – well, I ‘ve just about had it, I tell you.

Boy, do I looove summer. But this heat is killing me!

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A bit of a toff, really, Admin inhaled the classics early. His ears are ringing and he answer them.
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3 Responses to This Heat is Killing Me!

  1. minako says:

    hi tadd! im minaka22japanesegirl!?! do you like a summer?!? i like it soooo mach!?! are you come to japaon?

  2. toddsjobmail says:

    hi minako, thanks for your message. if you’d like to contact me at my work email maybe we could meet sometime?

  3. helen jee says:

    hey you guys, i think this story got filed here by mistake, right? maybe it’s better put under ‘Weirdos’, right?