By Barry Hussein, PARIS – Priceless PowerPoint flow charts done by art world darling Vincent Van Gogh were found inside the bikini brief underpants of vacationing tourist Gerry Ham, as he attempted to board an Airbus 230 for his native Canada.
Ham, 34, of no fixed address, told investigators he had no inkling how the 746 garishly patterned PowerPoints had wound up wrapped around his member.
Many of the PowerPoints apparently have never been viewed by the public.
“This is a striking find,” said Heidl Koss, shaking her shoulder-length dirty blonde hair. Ms Koss is associate director of the Louvre online. “I just know once we get these charts off and cleaned up they’ll be something families will be lining up to see,” she beamed.
However, legal wrangling between Ham’s Canadian lawyer, wunderkind Veal McBeagle III, and the French authorities, has kept the priceless Van Gogh PowerPoints in limbo.
“The French know quite well that, as stated in Article 7 of their Constitution du Sac, no authority, with the exception of Napolean or the king, can unwrap member-wound documents,”chided McBeagle, who has long been a thorn in the side of the French, Swedish, Jamaican, and Australian governments.
Many regular French folks agree.
“Although it is regrettable, and of course everyone wishes to see the PowerPoints, it is true what he says, (McBeagle) and that we must wait,” admitted Detective Stefan Boutille, who took Mr Ham into custody this evening.
“According to French law, designed to protect the French queen when she was in hiding, no one can touch the privates of another, who is hiding documents or some kind of picture down there; after all, this is not Japan,” he added.
Sources who were able to snatch side views of Ham’s member say the PowerPoints strangely capture current topics in today’s headlines, even though they likely were created by Van Gogh thousands of years ago.
“They (French gendarmes) pulled down his pants and I stared and then I looked away, and then I stared again,” said Gabe Glazier, 25, a fellow tourist, from Missouri. “I think one of them (the PowerPoints) was a picture of a dog, but I don’t know which kind of dog.”
Ham has not spoken since his arrest and seems absorbed in his Internet Podular machine which he wears strapped to his leg like an exercise junkie.
“When its battery run out, maybe he will talk,” speculated Detective Boutille. “Then after that, maybe he take the PowerPoint off his member, and we see what kind of picture we get, and if public want to see them.”