Iraqis Strive To Top 2006 Death Toll

By Styles Cradgerock, Iraq, BAGHDAD – With time running out as December nears to a close Baghdadis of all sizes, sects and credit histories rushed to kill one another and top 2006’s death toll.

Brushing aside US and Blackwater Construction Company requests to “chill”, “take a time-out”, and “genuflect” vengeful bloodthirsty citizens woke early Monday to begin a brutal day of death-threatening, physical intimidation, and sabotage.

Tourists visiting Baghdad for Christmas wondered if the wide-ranging bloodlust might affect them.

“There does still seem to be rather a lot of fighting going on about,” said Phillip Conn, 43, a vacationing orthodontist from London. “Especially in and around the ‘holy places’, which is a shame, really, as those are what we came here to see.”Taro Matsumoto - 19 Year old Japanese student

Taro Matsumoto, a nineteen year-old university student from Nagoya, Japan said most Iraqis had treated him well during his five day visit to the turbulent capital.

“Everyone was very nice,” said Mr Matsumoto, who mentioned he had come to “homestay” with an English-speaking Iraqi family. “But to tell the truth, I didn’t like the food much; it was very oily,” he added.

Shops in central Baghdad and neighboring suburbs seemed to be all but sold out of standard armaments like glocks, AKs and bazookas.

At one local arms market, a shopkeeper who declined to give his name or discuss his hobbies confessed business had been so good he had only “stink bombs” left in stock.

“If there is someone you really want to kill before Christmas,” he cautioned, “you’d better get down here soon and buy something. Or you’ll end up having to do it the old-fashioned way: with your bare hands.”

Make sense?!?

About Styles Cradgerock

Closely following the rules of Pythagorus - to abstain from beans, not to pick up what was fallen, not to eat the heart, and refusing to look in a mirror after midnite, Cradgerock gets all up in the grills of all the world's leaders and their pets like you knew he would.
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One Response to Iraqis Strive To Top 2006 Death Toll

  1. mr. impossible says:

    if mr. impossible were going to name a company that offers mercenaries to the us military so that it may freely contravene Geneva convention mandates i think i would call it something more innocuous than ‘blackwater’… how about whitewater… errr…

    anyways, when they beheaded that poor japanese backpacker a couple years ago i believe it was because he hesitated too long before giving his opinion on the deliciousness of the food. i blame the collapse of NOVA for the lack of cultural awareness amoung young japanese today. oily or not… it’s delicious because it is different.