Teachers Buried Alive Inside Japanese English School

By Ohashi Jozu,TOKYO – Eileen Fuchenzie couldn’t wait to come to Japan. The 22 year-old Canadian philosophy major at York University spent months packing and re-packing die-hard Canadian staples like Kraft Dinner macaroni and cheese, ampules of maple syrup, and her treasured first edition of shock rocker Avril Lavigne’s tell-all memoir “Who Do I Think I Am?” into an old blue Canadian flag-decorated backpack.

When the time came to finally board the Air Canada 707 to Tokyo “I almost peed my pants,” the typically outspoken Canuck confessed on her Facebook homepage, “I mean, I was was just so excited.”

Yet Ms Fuchenzie’s heady Japanese dream appears to have come to a tragic end as Tokyo medical examiners announced the discovery Friday afternoon of the mummified remains of Fuchenzie and eighteen other foreign teachers of what is commonly called “Conversational English” in Japan.

Although found mummified, forensic tests show the teachers were buried alive.

The mummified foreign teachers all worked for Japan’s largest Conversational English teaching chain- Nova.

Nova closed its doors two weeks ago after a corruption scandal sent heads rolling during turbulent operating months in October and early November.

Relatives of foreign teachers complained shortly after the school closings that they had not received any correspondence or had any contact whatsoever with their children.

Some parents, like Dale Houston of Adelaide, Australia immediately had dark forebodings:

“Australians study Japanese culture in high school, and I’ll never forget the lecture of my Japanese teacher Mr Ken Taro, when he told us that during the ’80’s Japanese corporate officers just walled up the offices of companies that didn’t succeed and buried the occupants alive within.”

When Mr Houston’s son Daniel, a Nova teacher in Tochigi, a province close to Tokyo, didn’t return calls made to Japan last Sunday, Houston called a private detective.

Luckily, Daniel was found in a local pub where he had spent the evening with a local prostitute.

Others were not so lucky.

So far mummified remains of teachers from Canada, Great Britain, the US, and Baffin Island have been found in closed schools around Japan.

In answer to the complaints of the teachers’ parents Nova legal counsel has made several attempts to smooth things over.

“Of course, it is regrettable that many teachers enjoyed long hours of relaxation activities when otherwise they should have been working and engaged in attracting more business to the schools,” said Nova attorney Matsumoto Hiroyuki, Thursday.

Relatives and media representatives appeared not to understand Mr Matsumoto’s statement.

“Most likely the misunderstanding had occurred because Mr Matsumoto is a different person from those in the audience, and thus was not able to transfer directly the data which is in his head into the head of another (person),” Mai Kurihama, Mr Matsumoto’s personal assistant offered, when asked to clarify his remarks.

Why are you laughing?

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
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6 Responses to Teachers Buried Alive Inside Japanese English School

  1. mr. impossible says:

    mr. impossible asks:

    since all japanese people speak fluent english thanks to the world-beating public education system (see March 1987 edition of Time Magazine) isn’t the the English conversation industry of Japan a kind of ‘coals to Newcastle’ situation?

  2. steinberg says:

    When I was a lad I was walled up regularly by my uncle for making mischief. Did me a world of good. Show me a punk of today who couldn’t use a walling up. Like that Fiftycent kid.

  3. minako says:

    my friend mika had dated nova teacher. he said he was from nyc, but later she found out from his friend he is from iran!
    i was very shocked to hear that!

  4. bartlett van maulder III says:

    wheres my shovel? lets bury ALL teachers alive. what fun!

  5. gans-sama says:

    lazy foreign teachers. they like to enjoy long hours of relaxation. i was teasher of lingrish and warked very hardo to help my young students. bat this story is old time now. we need new material to read and enjoy. i like to enjoy brutal time.

  6. admin says:

    stories published in the brutal times.com are of an effervescent bubbly quality which lasts a long long time – like the Bible and other great works. timeless minty wordsmithing topped with oozing. future generations will thank us.

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