John Edwards Will Continue To Tell The Truth

By Styles Craderock, Nevada, HENDERSON – A beaming US Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards told gathered members of the media and a smattering of locals Tuesday in Nevada that he “will continue to tell the truth, for the rest of the campaign.”

After the campaign is finished Edwards said “I will spin tasty yarns the likes of you’ve never seen before. My grampa was a seaman, and growing up poorer than Hillary or Barack I had no choice for entertainment other than to listen to grampa’s hundreds, perhaps thousands of salty tales of hardened men at sea.”

Edwards campaign ads previewed by veteran political commentator Barry Hussein (The Brutal Times) were said to contain stinging criticisms of Senator Clinton and Obama’s television viewing habits.

“Edwards never had a TV,” Mr Hussein said. “But his parents restricted his viewing time of his grandfather, much like your parents or mine might have restricted our tv time.”

The ads allegedly highlight oral storytelling. During one, a sidewalk chalk artist’s conception of the Greek bard Homer, a legendary oral storyteller in his own right, morphs first into the face of Edwards’ grampa, and then into the face of Edwards himself.

Senator Obama called on Edwards to cease “the kind of personal attacks that not only keep us divided as a party, but as a country.” He further challenged the Edwards camp to produce “any evidence, any evidence at all that I have ever even seen a television.”

Senator Clinton’s campaign press officer Alison Kloss responded to news of the Edwards strategy with a blunt dismissal of its effectiveness.

According to Ms Kloss, polls taken by Clinton staffers show that most voters are not only uninterested in the sea, but that 86% of voters “are afraid of it.”

Understand?!?

About Styles Cradgerock

Closely following the rules of Pythagorus - to abstain from beans, not to pick up what was fallen, not to eat the heart, and refusing to look in a mirror after midnite, Cradgerock gets all up in the grills of all the world's leaders, bringing more than just his reputation as the king of folksy garbage to the table...bringing...er...Mr. Cradgerock also wrote the bestselling eBook, My Mind is a Battlefield, 2010, which will be made into a t-shirt as sooner than you can say Duran Duran.
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2 Responses to John Edwards Will Continue To Tell The Truth

  1. hirosawa etsuko says:

    i could understand almost all this article! where can i get a transcript to show my japanese students of English?

  2. admin says:

    hi hirosawa san, sorry for the late reply, but i’m busy with the kids and earning a living as you can well imagine and your comment was deemed “the least interesting” on the brutal times by daemon mailer, who manages that stuff for us. we don’t provide transcripts of brutal times material because it is meant to be absorbed via the Internet Machine. As you’ve probably heard through daemon this experience between a man, woman, he-woman, she-man, legal-age human machine and konpyooter is considered “holy” in “America” and probably “Canaduh” “too”. And don’t you dare download! We and John McCain will chase you to the gates of your IP address.

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