Plunge in Feigned Interest Ruffles Feathers

By Smia Oots, MY ROOM – Jeez winter’s here really givin’ everybody the bum rush.

And so, feigned interest levels have plunged.

People all across America (aka ‘the world’, pre-Oct. 2008) are tuning out.

“Just the other day I was talking to my friend, and I realized they weren’t really listening – their interest was feigned,” griped Perry A, 22, billionaire owner of the popular Internet blog businessjesus.com.

“I guess it just goes to show that being independently wealthy with good abs and a fleet of sports cars doesn’t guarantee the world will lend you its ear,” he moped.

Yet others claimed A was missing the point entirely.

“He’s missing the point entirely,” claimed Ray Goolens, who writes a blog on an Apple computer in a San Francisco coffee shop. “The point is not whether people were feigning their interest in the words of Mr A, or others, but rather that even these feigned levels have plummeted, so that now what we have left is basically a purely non-communicative zombie population.”

Did you just make that up?

“No, it’s from my pop-up book, “Non-Communicative Zombie Population:What Was That You Said?”

I saw a couple other people close by and asked them their opinions.

“Whaddaya you guys think about the plunge in feigned interest?” I interviewed like Christianne Amanpour on CNN and more.

“Hey…great, ah question,” said one guy with shaggy hair and baggy pants. “Hey, I gotta go,” he went on.

He had barely socialized with me.

“Oh…that. It’s ah…listen can you hold this for a minute while I go make a poop? I’ve really been holding it in,” said the other, whom, you know what, I won’t even bother to describe because why should I make her famous? She can go on FaceBook/YouTube and her iPhone for that, am I right?

Anyway, so what happens now might be important.

“Indeed Smia – Ms Oots,” said Joe Biden, the Vice President of America USA. “We can have nor can we expect to have, any reasonable debate or intercourse without true, concentrated levels of interest in this country, and that’s what Barack and I have been talking about during our travels about this country and long lunches.”

You said ‘this country’ twice in one blurb.

“I did? that seems unlikely. How do you know?”

I was listening.

“And…what’s your…name again?”

Guess.

About Smia Oots

Smia Oots is a free-floating wild card racked up on painkillers and an automated sequence of commands who came to Tokyo to pursue her interest in social drinking. Always in search of new moments that can only live on in recollection, Oots asks we put the Enlightenment behind us, stat.
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