Aging Hypocrites Want a Piece of the Pie

By Daemon Mailer, VERMONT – Angry young people massed themselves into howling packs and began pogoing up and down in riotous response in reaction to the release of a landmark tweet tweeted this morning by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies.

The tweet, which was promptly deleted before it could incite further unrest, apparently asserted old people are jonesing for more than their share of the proverbial planetary pie.

Let me try that again.

“Old people – people over 25 – should just go die,” chimed child chimney sweep Gerhardt Toomey, 30. “To tweet they want more, much less even some, is annoying to the extreme,” he went on.

“My dad’s always using my computer,” blurted Patricia Ketts, 40. “I hate him,” she frothed.

Unlike previous generations, the Starbucks Generation, is getting down and boogying longer than, well, I mean, who woulda thunk, right?

Full disclosure: I’m one of the previous generation.

“Why can’t you let go of the pie and just die, guy?” whined Neal Peterson, 36, at the Genius Bar as he checked my laptop for scuffs.

Because I love life too much, I replied.

“Aw, fuck.”

Look, just like you I’m excited about the Internet and Apple products, although I’m thinking of trading in my iPhone for an Android.

“Aw, fuck.”

‘Cause the generations are so much closer now. Like, years ago, like maybe in the 1990’s even, I wouldn’t even be caught like dead in here talking to you, but now we like the same music, we buy the same clothes, I mean, I’m 50 and you’re, what, 22, but it doesn’t matter. We’re like bro’s.

“Aw, fuck.”

And so, I want my pie.


I want my pie.


What’s that music you’re listening to?


What’s that music you’re listening to?

“Oh, uh, fuck, I dunno, lemme check. Uh, it’s Abba.”

Hilarious! I love Abba, too!

“I wasn’t really listening to them – it’s a preset.”


“I gotta go. I have, uh, other customers.”

How do I set up GarageBand?


What’s a video game?


Where can I get a job application to work here?


Why are you laughing?

About Daemon Mailer

Sweet little Daemon Mailer invented the internet in his garage while he was trying unsuccessfully to invent the first rental video store. Like the rest, Daeme is also making moves to cash in on BT's success and avoid eating peanut butter out of a jar livin' in his car the rest of his life. All during the night as he wiggles to an 'fro, some kinda machine records his thoughts, churning out a pile o crud to be compiled in the forthcoming tome, “I am Spam.”
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