Japan Introduces ‘Foreigner-Only’ Train Compartments

By Ohashi Jozu, TOKYO – As the foreign population bursts and explodes in Japan, leading to more and more awkward moments between normal Japanese and uncouth Americans, forward-thinking Japanese transportation companies have come up with a novel solution: Foreigner-Only train compartments.

“We have had already such problems as you know of Japanese salaryman (businessman) who was touching the behind of Japanese lady on a train,” informed Odakyu Train Corporation spokesman Ohashi Taro, 50, Wednesday. “Such programs of such a kind such as Woman-Only train compartments have had much success; so we thought we had better to do that with foreigner as well,” he added, with a smile.

The Odakyu Train Corporation attracted international attention 2 years ago when it introduced Woman-Only train compartments along some of its busiest Tokyo train lines.

The compartments, found usually at the head and tail of each train feature colorful pink flower-patterned signs which notify riders that only attractive females may ride during prime groping hours of 7:03am-9:11 am.

Foreign people often travel to Japan to have sex with Japanese women, complain about their lack of success at having sex with Japanese women, and to attempt to exchange their weak currency for sturdy Japanese yen in convenience stores. Usually overweight foreign men try to pick up the best-looking Japanese office women during rush hour when trains are packed tight with sweaty commuters and sexual energy throbs along every Tokyo train line.

“The trains are the perfect place to find a mate, mate,” said Hugh Taddleback, 36, a part-time English conversation teacher at KiddyTime One-On-One English school in Shinjuku. “Because you’re on the train, you’ve got the perfect pick-up line: ‘Hey, we’re on the train.’ Then she’s like, ‘Yeah!’ and you’re like, ‘Yeah!’ You know – it’s all good,” he said, gripping his overnight backpack straps.

But the good times are about to end.

As of March 2008, Odakyu, Keio, Seibu, and Tobu Train corporations, which amongst themselves account for two thirds of the Tokyo railway system, plan to alter their standard twelve-car trains to include an additional “International Caboose”, which will be reserved for foreign tourists. Foreigners who insist they are residents, claim to be employed at Japanese firms, or claim to have been born in Japan will also be encouraged to experience comfort of the Caboose, which will be operational between 4:59am-12:38am. when the final train coasts smoothly home.

“Although it will cost much money, Japanese train corporation must provide foreigner with private train cars,” said Shimizu Soichiro, 58, spokesman for Seibu Train Corporation. “Because many many foreign people come to Japan and cannot understand Japanese language it becomes necessary to do so with Gaijin Kyabbu,” he elaborated. “Gaijin Kyabbu” is the festive term native Japanese use to describe the International Caboose.

The Caboose debuts in Tokyo March 12.

About Ohashi Jozu

Ohashi Jozu is a seasoned business affairs columnist. His 37 years with Japan's premier financial trade newspaper The Nikkei Weekly earned him kudos from Princess Masako, Seattle Mariners' slugger Ichiro Suzuki, and the widely-respected deceased American writer Norman Mailer, who once called Mr Ohashi " a living embodiment of Japan's samurai spirit - a white-knuckle roller-coaster ride of a human being." Ohashi Jozu has two daughters, Koari, and Sadako. They are attending junior college and hope to become flight attendants.
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10 Responses to Japan Introduces ‘Foreigner-Only’ Train Compartments

  1. Spinal P. Column says:

    I think it’s outrageous that they are thinking of forcing the god-damn foreigners onto separate cars.
    This would never happen if Obama was president of Japan!

  2. prince says:

    naroo hodo.

  3. Spinal P. Column says:

    What did you call me?

  4. prince says:

    excuse me? column down sport, i was talking to the Internet.

  5. M says:

    It would be efficient & practical for girls to find a sugar daddy from a crowd of hippies.

  6. bartlett van maulder III says:

    it sounds so depressing

  7. M says:

    oil nouveau riche, fund manager (80’s yuppie migrate from NY), Daemon Mailer –
    all packed in a pink decorated car… yum yum or yuk yuk???

  8. troy james macfarlaine says:

    the people who are managing your money (me) want americans to stop and think the next time they go and try to ruin the world’s economy by borrowing funds which they can’t pay back;it’s no wonder japan is pissed.

  9. shiraz mountbatten says:

    stop with that profanity!

  10. admin says:

    good point shiraz! stay logged on, will ya?