By The Serge, PITTSBURGH – People who look nice are nice, a landmark study by Billy, a tween, has found.
”See that guy over there? That guy with the mustache and the curly hair, with his wife?”
The one in the couple that looks like they’re on vacation?
“Yeah. He looks nice, right?”
Yeah … I can see that, sort of.
“I mean, he looks like someone you could ask for directions.”
Yeah but I have my phone for that.
”But he looks nice, right?”
Sure. I guess.
”Well guess what? He is nice.”
”He is nice.”
“He looks nice. He is nice. See his wife in the red dress? She looks nice. And she is nice.”
Oh come on.
”Go on. Ask her for directions.”
We’re in a Starbucks. I don’t need directions.
”Ask her for a dollar.”
Oh come on.
“Fuck, I’ll ask you big baby. Hey excuse me, You look like a really nice person. I’m not from around here and I’m short a dollar to buy a Frappacino …“
”Das einen voosen. Gar feggagelben voots?”
”Sorry, my wife is German. Here’s a dollar. I hope you enjoy your Frappacino.”
”Thanks! I hope you enjoy Germany.”
I guess I owe you an apology. You say you did some study to uh, figure that out?
“Well, I didn’t say that, but sure, yeah I mean I thought about it.”
Jesus. I may never look at the world the same.
”You’ve lost your cynicism.”
Yeah … I mean … yeah! Hey, ask me for a dollar.
Yeah, go on, ask.
What’s the matter? I’ll give it to you.
”Yeah … it’s just that … I wouldn’t really ask someone like you.”
Someone like me.
”Sorry. I mean … hey.”