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Ordinary People

Yo! This is the place celebrities come to check up whutchewandme been up to! Yar! You know – where you get your reality check and get to see how the real folks live. The “long hard slog” as Rumsfeld put it.

I like pushing buttons on my computer

By Michael Dean, Special to The Brutal Times, BOISE- I like pushing buttons on my computer. I’m not a fan of touchscreens because stabbing the glass like I’m doing now on my iPhone hurts my fingers. Let me explain. I’m […]

I Got Probs

By Hessy Marin, Special to The Brutal Times, BOSTON- I got probs. Man, let me tell you! Things were goin’ pretty swell for a while there – new boy, new apartment – even a new car…

Then, I won the lottery.

Morning Person Pisses Everyone Off

By Owen Richardson, Special to The Brutal Times, KANSAS – Morning people. Who makes them? God, probably. But as time goes on, can we really be so sure? When we cross paths with a morning person after a long night of self-abuse and injurious introspection are we really so well-advised to defer to that person, saying things like, “Uh-huh,” and “Yes, I was listening,” and “Top of the day to you, too, Squire.”?

Guy’s Nose Ring Looks Like a Booger

By Smia Oots, VANCOUVER – I saw a guy riding a bike with one of them nose rings?
It looked like a booger.
“Booger” means booger in Canadian English.
“It’s not a booger – it’s a piercing,” the guy, Dale Barrings, 16, a loans officer at Scotia Bank, told me.
But it sure looks like a booger.

Doubt is a Ballbreaker & Most are Filled with Crushing Loneliness: Study

By Ray Goolens, THE ATTIC – Doubt is a ballbreaker and most folks are filled with a crushing loneliness, according to a landmark Tweet, issued by prestigious Caribbean think tank MyGoodies this morning.

I’m Too Tired to Cook

By Karl Hame III, Special to The Brutal Times – When I get home from life on the road I don’ t want to talk to nobody and I just keep wishin’ I was back in ‘Nam.

Wait – no, that’s not it at all.

I’m a kids mom, and when I get home from school I’m too tired to cook.

My Pony Tail is Killing Me

By Zack Peters, Special To The Brutal Times – As a long-haired white man I face a lot of discrimination, both in the workplace and from folks on the bus and in my own home.

Girl ‘Still has Feelings for’ Ex

By Mary-Lou Jasp, Special to the Brutal Times, NEW YORK CITY – Usually when I break up with somebody I’m already seeing someone else. Like when I broke up with Brad I was already seeing his friend Jesse, but I’d been so busy I didn’t get to tell him ’til later.

But last week when I broke up with Caro, my BF for the last 2 months, I totally forgot that I did’nt have a new BF yet! Lucky for me I could go online and chat with my online friends. And I could listen to Nickleback and Coldplay, my fave bands.

My Co-worker is a Noisy Eater

By Blanche Jillbaine, Special To The Brutal Times – My co-worker is a noisy eater. Did you ever have a noisy eater as a co-worker? I’ll bet you did! Even though now I’m away from my cube during winter vacation for the Baby Jesus, I’m plagued by memories, images, of the co-worker.

The co-worker (I don’t keep track of names, sorry) had sat next to me. The desk was situated aside mine. Even then it was before lunch hours, but said co-worker opened his satchel to reveal assorted verboten snacks.

I Can’t Wait for Winter!

By Dessy Osmonde, Special to The Brutal Times, INDIANA – I can’t wait for winter! Why? Well I can’t wait to freeze my fucking ass off next to the fire. Even with a good solid pair of winter boots pulled right up to my next nothing stops the cold, right? Viva la Mother Nature! Yes, you can spend spend spend but nothing stops that cold from seeping in and gripping your balls and bones in an icy freezing cold handshake! Yeah, winter’s comin’ and the only way to warm up for it is to open the icebox and sleep with your feet stuck inside it night after night after night.