In previous years – 2008, 2007 and so on, cute pet stories tended to be eclipsed by political coverage, current events, business news and so on.

But God said from now on, “Let it be otherwise”.

The result? I said already above – 2009 was the cutest year yet for pets, online on the ‘Net, on your tee vee and so on. For pet lovers, it was truly an bonanza.

“It was truly an bonazana,” said pet-lover (but not too much) Renee Phipps, 19, an English Education major at Saskatoon University in Canada. “I’m agreeing with what you said, so why are you looking at me all weird and stuff?” she went on.

Ms Phipps and her traveling companion, Don Reyner, 13, also from Saskatoon had sneaked across the Canadian border to buy hand guns for the coming Collapse in 2012.

“We’re not one of the sheeple,” explained Mr Reyner, clutching his concealed weapon. “I don’t want a homeless trying to eat my pet, come the first of next year,” he went on.

Still, the point of this article is about the media itself. In 2009, as we look back and ponder we can respect how cutting edge in-your-face bloggers from CNN, Yahoo and lesser-known underground sites like Hotmail showed us the way with great stories about cute pets.

“Actually, not to correct you, but it is frankly incorrect to say ‘stories’ when actually what you really mean is ‘videos’”, ejaculated Ray Goolens, whom is an Internet Technology specialist. “And the amazingly remarkable thing is how these testaments to our pets, were posted on blogs around the world, not just by rad bloggers like CNN’s Amanpour or John Roberts, but by dissidents in Iran and Canada.”

Canada?

“In Iran.”

But you said Canada, too.

“Well, that’s another country where they have computers.”

Sure.

“I like that video where the cat gets stuck in a blanket and can’t get out,” said Iranian physicist Bill Wiggins, 24. “But it was sad that it never got out,” he went on.

“For me, the cutest pet video of 2009 was the one where the cat was stuck in a blanket,” contrasted Kate Foxxe, 21, a gorgeous philosophy student I met on the street waiting for tickets to the Hollywood media salute to pets.

That’s fascinating. Please tell me more!

“I like it’s whiskers. They were sooo cute!” she went on.

Yes, pets are cute. With God’s will and so on we’re gonna get through the rest of the Final Days etc, with a little more help from great Internet news sites and the knee-slapping in-your-face rad cute pet videos (and stories?) they bless us with!

The treasured one-size-fits-all key lent to Mr Cent by Mayor Fabrizi was specially designed by HarvestHome to open any city lock, whether residential or commercial.

While some residents welcomed 50 into their homes, others voiced concern that he might wake sleeping elderly relatives.

“I’m not saying that givin’ the key to 50 was a bad idea,” commented Republican City Councilperson June Gainblock, “but there was a concern that since not every citizen is a fan of rap music that some older taxpayers might not understand why the city was allowing 50 free admittance into their homes.”

Gainblock insisted that The Brutal Times include in this article that she, herself is a big fan of hip-hip music. “I personally would have no problem welcoming 50 into my home at any hour of the night,” she insisted.

Now the key has gone missing.

Patrolman Garret T. Koontz told reporters this morning that “Mr Cent apparently lost the key after a night out at the posh Bridgeport eatery Pasta la Vista. At that time he was primarily in the company of the proprietor of that establishment, Grande Chef Otto. Grande Chef Otto has agreed to undergo a lie detector test and is being interviewed by detectives as we speak.”

Although 50 has yet to issue a statement regarding the crisis, one of his entourage, Jimmy Jam-san, alleged the Grande Chef had hidden the much sought after key in a giant cake and made it disappear.

“So, after that, 50 was like, in a rage,” confided Jam-san. “He was like – ‘that`s my key!’ you know what I’m saying?”

Since the loss of the one-size-fits-all key Mayor Fabrizi has ordered an executive State of Emergency come into effect until a lucrative contract is awarded to a single locksmith company capable of changing all city locks.

Luckily, it appears HarvestHome may be able to step up to the plate.

“Protecting citizen’s property is at the heart of what we do,” said HarvestHome president Donny Berns. “Fortunately since we’re the company that designed the key, we’re in a fantastic position to come in and offer a practical business solution to the problem,” he offered in assurance to restless residents.