Oh,you already know who the winner’s gonna be because the editor of the Brutal Times spoiled it by putting it in the headline? 

Well what’s even the point of this story!?!

(With a billion million and a half highly-literate readers crowding the Internet each day, jostling for ways out of their boring workaday days The Brutal Times has a responsibility to cater to the lowest common denominator, pandering, and showing its ample rump – Ed.)

Roland Emmerich is a German guy who made the best movie of 2009, called 2012. In 2006 he made a movie called 2009 which predicted everything that was gonna happen in 2009 but no one saw it because the yes men buried it.

I tell you it never saw the light of day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(This is clearly untrue – Ed.)

In 2012 Roland Emmerich shows how Nature kills us before we even get a chance to man up and kick its lily ass.

One of the greatest moments in that movie  is when The Offspring play “Pretty Fly for a White Guy” on the soundtrack.

(Jesus – Ed.)

I tell you if we don’t man up and kill Nature we are doomed just like in that movie!!!!!!!

(Santa is the highest paid employee at The Brutal Times. His talent speaks for itself – Ed.)

In previous years – 2008, 2007 and so on, cute pet stories tended to be eclipsed by political coverage, current events, business news and so on.

But God said from now on, “Let it be otherwise”.

The result? I said already above – 2009 was the cutest year yet for pets, online on the ‘Net, on your tee vee and so on. For pet lovers, it was truly an bonanza.

“It was truly an bonazana,” said pet-lover (but not too much) Renee Phipps, 19, an English Education major at Saskatoon University in Canada. “I’m agreeing with what you said, so why are you looking at me all weird and stuff?” she went on.

Ms Phipps and her traveling companion, Don Reyner, 13, also from Saskatoon had sneaked across the Canadian border to buy hand guns for the coming Collapse in 2012.

“We’re not one of the sheeple,” explained Mr Reyner, clutching his concealed weapon. “I don’t want a homeless trying to eat my pet, come the first of next year,” he went on.

Still, the point of this article is about the media itself. In 2009, as we look back and ponder we can respect how cutting edge in-your-face bloggers from CNN, Yahoo and lesser-known underground sites like Hotmail showed us the way with great stories about cute pets.

“Actually, not to correct you, but it is frankly incorrect to say ‘stories’ when actually what you really mean is ‘videos’”, ejaculated Ray Goolens, whom is an Internet Technology specialist. “And the amazingly remarkable thing is how these testaments to our pets, were posted on blogs around the world, not just by rad bloggers like CNN’s Amanpour or John Roberts, but by dissidents in Iran and Canada.”

Canada?

“In Iran.”

But you said Canada, too.

“Well, that’s another country where they have computers.”

Sure.

“I like that video where the cat gets stuck in a blanket and can’t get out,” said Iranian physicist Bill Wiggins, 24. “But it was sad that it never got out,” he went on.

“For me, the cutest pet video of 2009 was the one where the cat was stuck in a blanket,” contrasted Kate Foxxe, 21, a gorgeous philosophy student I met on the street waiting for tickets to the Hollywood media salute to pets.

That’s fascinating. Please tell me more!

“I like it’s whiskers. They were sooo cute!” she went on.

Yes, pets are cute. With God’s will and so on we’re gonna get through the rest of the Final Days etc, with a little more help from great Internet news sites and the knee-slapping in-your-face rad cute pet videos (and stories?) they bless us with!